Zoo Satellite Radio

Disclaimer

Announcer: The Zooier Than Thou podcast contains adult concepts and language, and is intended for a mature audience. So if you thought Cheek to Cheek was a Lady Gaga song, check back in when you’re hep to the jive! No one likes a square, man!

Cold Open - Previously on…

{NOTE: A † symbol indicates this line is NEW. All other lines here can be sampled from prev pirate radio episode.}

†Narrator: Previously, on Zooier Than Thou…

The Stallion: Thaaaat’s right! You’re tuned into 106.6 The Ark, live from the first seafaring vessel to be haphazardly shot into orbit without burning up on exit!

Will: We may have some killer radiation tans when we get back down to earth, though.

Yarrrkito: That’s how Mr. Fantastic got his super powers, though, right?

Yarrrkito, Will, and The Stallion: (There is a loud shift, and everyone stumbles over audibly.) Whoa!

Pearl: Uh, Zoo Crew, something’s wrong.

&@$#: Hail, crew of the Reckless and Dangerous. You’ve violated intergalactic code ȡ ɕ ɤ̞ subsection ꞎ : broadcasting seditious audio with the intent of inciting an uprising.

†Toggle: I won’t do it Tarro! I’ll never hand over the seventh Zoo Millennium Crystal!

†Tarro: But the NegaWizard’s powers no longer have hold of me! (gasp) Oh fuck, you’ve been serving the NegaWizard this whole time!

†Toggle: Mwahahahaha!

Will: Turns out, because these Zeta Waves are, in fact, SIGNIFICANTLY faster than light, we are broadcasting to… the actual entire galaxy at once? Or at least a very big bubble of it.

Tabuna Kaymbo: My name is Tabuna Kaymbo of Delta Corvi Rebel Colony ȡ

Yarrrkito: Oh, no, he’s hot.

Marimba Dakka: And so you broadcast, even knowing there could be consequences?

†Steeeve: Which ones do I shoot??

†Velo: Shoot the ones with the inaccurately drawn zetas painted onto their armor!

†Steeeve: I thiiink some of them might just be bad at freehanding zetas, rather than being replicants!

&@$#: Oh-ho-ho, rest assured, you will be relieved of your lives upon arrival. But your zeta wave transmitter intrigues me. Our ゑ waves utilize hyperspace to travel vast distances, but only in a single direction to a single source.

†Toggle: It’s mainly veganism and furry rp.

†Velo: I’m in.

Gutowski: Oh, Dick!

Will: But what are we going to do when Space Hitler inevitably locks onto our location again?

Marimba Dakka: There’s really only one thing you can do. You’ve got to destroy the transmitter and torch the blueprints. As long as that technology exists, Chancellor &@$# will keep looking for a way to get his tentacles on it. Earth will be in real danger if he has a reason to enter your Solar System again.

Yarrrkito: But, without zeta waves, how will I ever be able to see Tabuna Kaymbo again?

Tabuna Kaymbo: Not to worry, Yarrrkito! I’m sending encrypted information on how to connect to our relay system using ゑ waves. We can keep in touch from here on out!

Yarrrkito: Yay!

Aqua: Did we survive?

†Tarro: Welcome back to Earth, zoops.

†Akito: The ship is going to need some repairs.

†Tarro: Yyyyiiiiiiiikes.

†Business Human: If you ARE sure this technology works, and that patent is LOCKED down, licensing this ゑ wave transmitter is going to be VERY lucrative for you. I ran the numbers this morning again to double check myself. And. Have a look.

†The Stallion: Holy Neptune…

†Will: Say hello to our repair money.

†The Stallion: (little laugh) That’s. Vastly more than our repair money.

†Business Human: The patent IS filed?

†The Stallion: Oh, it’s filed mate.

†Will: The Stallion, I’m gonna go start making some purchases.

†The Stallion: Blank check. This is going to be really, really fun for us. I’ve got a few calls to make. Zoos on the mainstream band, here… we… come!

Theme Song

Kynophile: Hey what can I say

You’ve got me howling at the moon

Woah don’t you know

That love is wild when you’re a zoo

With Zooier Than Thou! Oh yeah!

Sattelite Radio - We’re So Back!

Radio Ident: Ch-ch-ch-channel 200. Zoo Pirate Radio. FOREVER.

The Stallion: (Takes a deep breath in, lets out a satisfied sigh.) Smells like radio. Did you miss us, Planet Earth? We certainly missed you. From the first grey wolf that ever laid eyes on a human, licked his lips, and said, “Oh-ho, WOULD,” to the well-pedicured Shiba Inu and her doggirl programmer girlfriend lying together on a lazy summer day in their highrise apartment, sharing some needed tender snuggles; From the first single-celled organism that ever rubbed some hot and bothered DNA onto a single-celled organism of a technically different species classification, to the panting, sweaty, heart-pounding DNA sharing that happens when a zookeeper and a lioness like each other very very much; From the first wild horse who loved and lusted after a Homo Sapiens’s exotic body, to the days when Homo Sapiens are but a faraway memory, and upon the land walk foxes loving badgers, dogs loving cats, wild mares and stallions loving wild hinds and harts; This is, Channel 200, Zoo Pirate Radio Forever.

Ladies, Gentlemen, Critters, and Creatures, I’m The Stallion, and I will be your host for this hour as our crew continues to navigate… a NEW kind of high seas… This sea that my steadfast amigos and I are sailing upon, it’s not a sea of water – no no, we’ve sailed a sea of water before, we would recognize HER waves anywhere… It’s not a sea of void, the final frontier, no, it’s something closer… it’s a sea of… badge readers… locked doors… tight lips… secret buttons that spin bookshelves around so that you disappear to a secret room on the other side. (snickers) The Corporate Seas! …The Corporate Seas? Is there a well established “business” metaphor here that’s just escaping my grasp? Like, Paperwork Hurricane, or, Put On Hold For Three Hours Sinking Labrynth?

Will: (Shrugs, evil lil smile.) I have absolutely no idea.

The Stallion: In any case, yes indeed, we are the same enDEERing crew of zoosexual radio pirates you know and love, from the dog days of broadcasting locally–and perhaps somewhat illegally– from a big ship in the ocean. Or perhaps you know us from that time we went into outer space for a little bit!

Yarrrkito: More people probably do know us from that.

The Stallion: Was it on the news?

Yarrrkito: It was a big deal.

The Stallion: Well, I am glad to say we are BACK on the airwaves, AND, while our flagship The Reckless and Dangerous is undergoing some post-extra-terrestrial-travel repairs, we are indeed, UNPRECEDENTEDLY, sharing our programming with you today from solid ground! Dry land!

Will: Pirate radio is much more a state of mind than it is a physical pirate ship in the ocean.

Yarrrkito: But if you CAN have a physical pirate ship in the ocean you SHOULD.

Will: Yeah for real.

Yarrrkito: Yeah.

Will: I miss it.

Yarrrkito: Well, at least the catering at this campus is better.

The Stallion: Yes, if you are newly tuning in, your ears do not deceive you, dear listener; myself, Will, and Yarrrkito have set up shop in the sprawling campus of our satellite radio broadcasting corporate overlords. For the right price, Station 200 on the radio is now ALL OURS, and so, so much more.

Yarrrkito: I will say the console is MUCH nicer. And the mics are really expensive.

The Stallion: Do I sound expensive, zoo nation?

Yarrrkito: You always sound expensive.

The Stallion: Oh, go on! Flattery is the name of the game when you hit the big time. I’ve done so much schmoozing, it makes me woozy.

Yarrrkito: Schmoozy Woozy!

The Stallion: But in all seriousness, folks, we’re grateful for the opportunity to broadcast to a mainstream audience without having to compromise our message or censor all our fucks. Somewhere out there, a random subscriber is tuning in out of curiosity, and to you, I say, “Welcome! We’re a scrappy bunch, but we’re glad you tuned in! Don’t mind all the gratuitously sexual art hung up on the walls of animals French kissing one another, it’s just the aesthetic we use to make our studio feel like a home.” And, to the zoos who specifically subscribed to one of the surely many satellite radio subscription service options JUST to tune into our show, know that we’re just getting started. If you thought we peaked when we went to outer space, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet!

(Will drops a mic, which makes a loud THUMP.)

The Stallion: Will!

Will: That seemed like a really good mic drop moment.

(Small pause.)

Will: We can finance that.

(Small pause.)

The Stallion: Folks we have such a great show for you today. All your old favorites and plenty of soon-to-be household names as well. Coming up to kick off our hour, here’s zipwok with Soy Un Labrador. After that, we’re taking calls live from listeners like you! So stay tuned to Channel 200, Zoo Pirate Radio Literally Forever!

Radio Announcement

Announcer: Did you know you can catch all your favorite tunes at our website, zoo.wtf? And if you want to get notified every time we’re on the air, just point your favorite podcast client at rss.zoo.wtf! Feeling generous? You can leave an anonymous tip at donate.zoo.wtf! Not even WE will know who you are! It’s that easy! Stick around to the very, VERY end for new music from one of your favorite artists. And stay tuned for MORE music on the Zooier Than Thou radio show, coming up NOW!

Soy Un Labrador

zipwok: I’m happy

I feel better

I’m digging

This lovely weather

I’m happy

I feel better

I’m digging

This lovely weather

Howler of the seven seas

Sailing for loOove

His peg leg is made out of

a tennis ball and boOones

Sailor of the seven seas

Howling for loOove

Not a hurricane or whirlpool

Will change his smile of stone

I’m happy (I am happy!)

I feel better (I feel better!)

I’m digging (I am digging)

This lovely weather (This lovely weather, yeah!)

I’m happy (I am happy!)

I feel better (I feel better!)

I’m digging (I am digging)

This lovely weather (This lovely weather, yeah!)

(WOOF WOOF WOOF)

Soy un labrador

I’m a good boy baby

So why don’t you kiss me

Soy un labrador

I’m a good boy baby

So why don’t you kiss me

Same old lady

Hanging up the wash

Standing in the rain

In her mackintosh

Same old lady standing in the rain

And I thought New York was going insane

Same old lady

Hanging up the wash

Standing in the rain

In her mackintosh

Same old lady standing in the rain

And I thought New York was going insane

(et cetera, et cetera, et cetera) <3

Satellite Radio - Taking Callers

Radio Ident: Ch-ch-ch-channel 200. Zoo Pirate Radio. FOREVER.

The Stallion: Welcome back, zoo nation! Howling on the seven seas, sailing for love. Makes me nostalgic! But there was always something a little frustrating about only being able to broadcast within a 50 to 80 kilometer radius. Now, by the power of space junk cluttering the earth’s exosphere, we’re coming to you wherever you are, whenever you are. And by the power of our patented Space Folding Radio Wave technology, somewhere in the Delta Corvi star system, a rebel space station can tune in from lightyears away with only minimal delays.

Yarrrkito: And I can spend my nights chatting with a handsome birdfriend about everything and nothing.

Will: Twue Wove.

The Stallion: And speaking of our friends from Rebel Colony Kwee, we have a caller from among the stars. You’re live on the air with the Zooier Than Thou radio show!

Tay Kanuka: Oh, goodness! How exciting! I feel just like I’m being interviewed on Vox Pop! Ma, I’m on the radio!

The Stallion: Can you say your name for everyone listing?

Tay Kanuka: Tay Kanuka! Gosh, it’s actually THE Stallion!

The Stallion: Hey hey, Tay! What’s the good word from the colonies?

Tay Kanuka: Shucks! It’s like a whole new world has opened up since your planet started broadcasting on the ゑ Wave! Oh, let me see… I just wanted to say that your radio show is based af! Ooh, I’m learning so many new things from the YouTube!

The Stallion: Be careful navigating those waters, Tay Kanuka. You don’t want to rot your brain!

Tay Kanuka: Oh, pish posh. It’s a cultural exchange, The Stallion! I can feel my mind expanding more and more every day! And the music on your station is a big part of that!

The Stallion: Hear, hear, Tay Kanuka! Stay tuned, because we have a bunch of new releases coming up in the next hour!

Tay Kanuka: Elk Yeah! I haven’t figured out what Elk means yet, but Elk Yeah!

Will: Based af.

The Stallion: Now don’t you start, too, Will.

Yarrrkito: Ligma.

The Stallion: Indeed. Do we have any more callers, Will?

Will: I believe we have a bunch of people who are not Brad on line one and Brad on line two.

The Stallion: Oh, boy. Well, bring him on, let’s get this over with. Good evening, you’re live on the air with the Zooier Than Thou radio show! Which we have decidedly branded Zoo Pirate Radio Literally Forever as it pertains to our new satellite radio digs. Is it literally-literally forever? Well, we certainly hope it feels that way while we’re held so close together and our feelings are so swelled. ANYWAYS, BRAD, you’re on!

Brad: Wow, satellite radio! May I just say that this is incredibly based and goated, my Equanimous Equine, and quite the upgrade. The sound quality is incredibly peak. I would consider myself to be rather Stallion-pilled. I’d go as far as to say that I Stan each and every one of the hallowed hosts of this program par excellence.

Will: Far out, broseph.

The Stallion: I feel so much older than usual today.

Brad: Wise beyond your years, like I’m always saying! So after the last time we talked I departed the beautiful Rebel Colony Kwee on my way to wilder skies and wilder skis did I indeed find and in a most unexpected place - between the dusty dunes of the vast and barren Yucca desert, patrolled by Ultra Barbots and Energy robots but also, most gratifyingly by the exotic and erotic Galiban, who, I might mention in a brief aside–

The Stallion: Brief would be appreciated, Brad…

Brad: – were still rather on edge following what sure seemed like a carnival of carnage waged by a trio of psychopathic children some years ago-

Will: I’m assuming these were nonverbal beings, these Gabimon?

Brad: Gabilan, and yeah of course, you know my jam.

Will: So then how exactly did you learn this history?

Brad: A most excellent question with a most interesting answer.

Will: A brief answer though, as my colleague stipulated.

Brad: Oh sure I do recall our agreement of just a few seconds ago.

Will: Plus I think we’re all eager to get to the naughty part.

Brad: Right, and I’m aware I’m sometimes quite verbose and unnecessarily prolix and wordy.

Will: Indeed, sometimes, sometimes. So, please though Brad, how did they tell you any stuff nonverbally?

Brad: They’re telepathic.

The Stallion: Wow!

Will: Incredible. Please do go on!

The Stallion: Maaaaaybe we shouldn’t get into the details, Brad.

Will: Belay that! Brad, I want to taste the fluids and smell the pheromones right through the speaker.

Yarrrkito: Yarrr!

The Stallion: You two really shouldn’t encourage him.

Brad: Yeah no great I’ll keep it concise, to the point, and totally appropriate, discretion is my middle name, I mean it says Irwin on my birth certificate but that’s just a piece of paper-

The Stallion: Brad, the Gabilans.

Brad: Were so fucking hot, and not just because they live in a desert although I’m sure that contributed something to their mesmerizing morphology, which was also hot, but because their telepathic nature necessitates their being totally honest and upfront about what they’re thinking and what they want and all that - you know, when you’re connected mind to mind there really can’t be anything but honesty, especially about the fact that you both really want to be connected by more than just mind to mind if you know what I mean-

The Stallion: We definitely know what you mean.

Brad: Well suffice it to say that my demeanor demonstrated a deportmant of decency, supplying the means to mentally-mediated monkey business-

Will: Alliterative abundance always appreciated, amigo.

Brad: Well the point that I’m trying to get to that we fucked, which I’m sure you’d already guessed, but what you might not have guessed is just how sensitive, sensuous and sinuous those gorgeous oral ovipositors are-

The Stallion: Oral ovipositors? Like, Birdo from Super Mario Brothers 2?

Brad: Exactamundo, The Stallion, and let me just say that first of all Birdo is fucking hot. And be honest, my hippic compadre, surely you can’t say that you wouldn’t.

The Stallion: I never said I wouldn’t.

Brad: Exactly. Because you would. If you wouldn’t with Birdo like what are you even doing with your life?

Will: Trans oral ovipositors are next-level.

Brad: Fuckin’ A, and you know what those aforementioned hooligans never found out?

Will: I’d forgotten about them, actually.

Brad: …is that gabilans actually produce a transdermal eroto-psychdedlic dopaminergic fluid in their oralpositers that baically makes it feel like your penis and pineal gland are one and the same and that the amount you absord is actually dependant on not only the specific technique employed or personal sensitivity but I believe, though admittedly I can’t point to any peer-reviewed studies to confirm this though I think it would be a rich furrow for the old scientific plow, but on the amount of zetaglobin present to bind with, though for lower zetaglobin individuals as well as just for folks who like butt stuff, the latter of which I am one I’ll just add, and PWPs - that is, Persons Without Penises - there are of course the alternative routes, the efficacy of which is greatly aided both by the greater permeability of the respective membranes as well as the impressive length and prehensility of the gabilan lingual organ, which as should be aparent by their snoot length is quite considerable, and which can deliver the above mentioned eroto-psychedelic effects directly to the adventurous partner’s prostate-

The Stallion: (Interrupting hastily) Well, Brad, I think I’m gonna have to cut you off there. Glad to hear you’re in such good spirits. Keep on tuning in, and please remember you can only call in once a week. Give some air time to the other listeners, mate!

Yarrrkito: Hey, I’ve never seen this red light blink before.

The Stallion: Oh boy. That’ll be the higher ups. Yarrrkito, can you take that?

Yarrrkito: Yarrr! This is Yarrrkito, space pirate extraordinairre! (a pause.) They want to speak to the Stallion.

The Stallion: Tell them I’m on the air.

Yarrrkito: He’s on the air right now. _(A long pause). They have some notes on the content of the broadcast.

Will: Tell them I have the perfect transfem zoosexual tailhole they can stick their notes into.

Yarrrkito: I will not.

Will: Tell them, if this is about the “waxing poetic about bestiality” stuff, WHO are YOU to tell ME I cannot talk lovingly about receiving hot dog penis into my body-

Yarrrkito: I will not be telling them this.

Will: I have been to SPACE!

Yarrrkito: I will mention the space part.

The Stallion: Well, it looks like we have some issues to iron out on our end, so let’s go to sponsors.

(Nothing happens)

The Stallion: Oh yeah, we don’t have sponsors! Well, more fresh tunes coming up right away! We’ll be hearing Lyko’s new track, “Shine,” and a new single from station veterans Kiss Me Kabar. So stay tuned to Channel 200, Zoo Pirate Radio Forever! Literally!

Yarrrkito: Literally.

Will: Literally.

Transmissions in the Meantime, with Tabuna Kaymbo

Tabuna Kaymbo: What’s shakin’, hep cats? From the days since I was a hatchling, I listened to Earth’s radio broadcasts as they arrived to us – from 86 lightyears away! Back in those days, Jazz and Swing were all the rage, and I llllloved it! But the blues have come a long way since 1939! So now, I’m catching up!

From Iron Maiden and Judas Priest, to Nirvana and System of a Down, I’ve got a llllot to listen to! This Thursday we’re doing a deep dive on Avril Lavigne, and boy-oh-boy the other folks at the terra-side ZooTT station can’t WAIT to dedicate all of Friday to a Blink-182 marathon!

Tune in and join me for it, why doncha! My name is Tabuna Kaymbo from the Delta Corvi star system, and I’m catching up with the music of the times! It’s “Transmissions In The Meantime,” with me! Tabuna Kaymbo! All of you rockers out there, rock on! Nazi punks, ffffuck off!

”Shore”

Lyko: lightly dance upon my shore

a cool blue fire

erasing all who came before

who came before you

ripples dance toward you

through the wounds I notice

graced with care and poise

contained in this

glitter above stary eyed gods look on

as the morning light

it creeps up behind you

those guests still trace lines upon

whats secret now

Contained in this

Satellite Radio - Emails!

Radio Ident: Ch-ch-ch-channel 200. Zoo Pirate Radio. FOREVER.

The Stallion: All day long, you’ve been hearing it; The way the wind howls across the crests of white, shiny snow; The crunch of your boots as you hike through it, plunging a boot down into a knee-high bank of crystalline fluff. Now, night has come, and the cold air, already freezing, has become something alive with malice, tearing tooth-and-razor-claws at your wet socks, your drenched pantlegs, your too-thin jacket. As your frozen hands fumble with trying to get a fire going, you feel a puff of warmth cloud around your shaking fingers. Heavenly; Better than any fire; The puff of warmth has come from the breath of a dire wolf, her coat grey, her enormous body now shielding you from the winds as she lies down beside you in the dark. What do you do next?

Will: I get closer.

The Stallion: You get closer. You lean against her, burying your face and your hands into the furnace that is her coat, soft and lush.

Will: I thank her, out loud and by lovingly petting her.

The Stallion: You nuzzle against the depths of her hot, inviting fur, and you say to her, “Thank you. I was near to my death of cold, and now I am warm and well again, because you, you beacon of warmth, have shared your heat with me.” She lifts a forepaw and wraps it around you and pulls you closer, sniffs a biiiig sniff of your head through her enormous dire wolf nostrils; gasp, oh my, now that you’re not freezing to death and feel quite warm and nice, you realize that this gigantic, three-times-your-size wolf bitch is, it turns out, hitting on you.

Will: Okay, keeping in mind that she could swallow me whole, I am going to position my face right up with the front of her enormous muzzle, and plant a kiss on her dog-drooly lips.

The Stallion: She returns the sentiment; What happens next is something like a hot, slobbery carwash, as she gives a big lick to your face, and then your entire upper body is lost in her muzzle.

Will: Fantastic. I dddddon’t cum from this?

The Stallion: Correct! Hello dear listeners, you’re listening Channel 200, Zoo Pirate Radio Forever, and what you have just heard Will and I discussing was NOT aaaanything about bestiality.

Yarrrkito: They want us to avoid the B word.

The Stallion: Oh for fuck’s- Okay, SO, dear listeners, there is currently a bit of an… “active debate,” that is occurring between us and our satellite radio execs. They would LIKE for us to… tone it down a little. Be a little more “wink wink nudge nudge,” rather than “wink wink gush gush,” if you follow. For example! We are currently sitting at 67 warnings from our higher-ups about our content on the air since the top of the hour. Now, if I let Will off the leash for just one sentence…

Will: Does smelling dog breath during sex make anyone else finish way harder or am I just like kind of extra of a zoophile.

(BZZT. BZZT.)

The Stallion: We are now at sixty NINE warnings.

Yarrrkito: Nice.

(Printer noises. Akito reads what has just been printed out.)

Yarrrkito: Hmmm, mhm. According to the execs, apparently THIS is what you SHOULD have said.

Will: (reading) “Monsterfucking is so in right now and I’m so here for it. I’m such a feralphile.”

(Ding!)

The Stallion: Hm. I don’t know. Part of the appeal of satellite was the “no censorship” aspect of it. Truth be told, I’m wwwondering if we can afford some kind of device to print these communiqués from higher up directly into our shredder to save a little bit of time. (chuckles)

In any case, folks, don’t forget that while I am the captain of this particular timeslot, zoosexuals are, in fact, staying up ALL night, again and again, to bring you around the clock yapping, serenading, news reports, and weather updates. Catch Will always up in the deadest hours of night with Zoo Jam, and wake up and make your morning commute with Eric “Cookie Monster” J. who rules the time of day when the sun comes up. Wherever you are, whenever you are, Channel 200, Zoo Pirate Radio Forever is here, making zoo noises.

Will: (Dog noises. Houndy owrowrowr.) Yeah Cookie Monster and I disagree a LOT about the Backstreet Boys but also credit where credit is due he’s got that dog in him. And out of him. And in him. And out of him. And in him. And, eventually out of him.

The Stallion: Haha, ahhh, a man of many talents, positions, bits, segments, fans, persuasions, and surely a VERY short bucket list.

(BZZT.)

The Stallion: Wait, what? Bucket?

(BZZT.)

The Stallion: Really?

Yarrrkito: Ummmm… Yes, this email does say they would encourage us to avoid talking about anything related to buckets or bucket-like utensils.

The Stallion: Why would- (snicker) Ohhhhh.

Will: We can avoid bucketchat. I frankly LIKE it when no bucket is required.

Yarrrkito: What are you two even talking about?

The Stallion: Oh, nothing. You know what I need? Some emails that are NOT from our corporate overlords. How about we do some listener emails. Ladies?

Will: Our first email comes to us from Another Blue Dog. MOOD, oh my dog, that’s a very ACCURATE name.

Yarrrkito: Hmhm. Good taste.

Will: Yeah, completely.

Yarrrkito: Well. ANOTHER Blue Dog writes in about “Coming out as zoo,” saying,

(reading) I’ve be listening to your show for a while now, a few months. And it’s been super informative and entertaining on long drives. Ultimately though, it has helped me understand and accept that I’m zoo. But beyond that, it gave me the confidence to come out to my husband as zoo. I had been super terrified to do so as we’re both well known in the local pup play community and active in the furry community. I was worried he’d be mad, judge me, or worse. But when I finally told him, he was supportive. Actually he was more than supportive. He’s ok with it. He even told me about how in his teenage years he thought he might’ve been zoo too. Granted he discovered it’s not for him. But he’s ok with me being zoo and having these thoughts and feelings. I never would’ve had the confidence to tell him though if I didn’t have you all in this radio show. Thank you.

The Stallion: What an incredible story, Another Blue Dog! Working up the courage to come out to a loved one is no small feat, and we’re honored to have be a part of making it happen.

Will: Coming out is SCARY if it’s like, high stakes, or if it’s just nnnot something you’ve done often before. It’s really nice to hear you got there with this one, Another Blue Dog. Also we are like, absolutely twinsies, I came out to my girlfriend last week, and SHE was like. “Yeah no shit.” And I was like, “Wh- HOW did you KNOW that?” and she was like, “Because every other sentence out of your mouth is ‘By the way I’m a zoophile, I like dogs.’”

Yarrrkito: Feralphile.

Will: I’ll phile YYYOUR feral. (Breaks another piece of equipment)

…

Will: We can finance that.

The Stallion: The truth is, emails like this are what makes us drool over the mainstream. We’d love for this to be the norm, where everyone feels comfortable coming out to the people they love, and those people they love respond with love in kind. Every story like this is another step toward the reality we want to make in the world.

Yarrrkito: Yarrrr!

Will: Elk Yeah 🤙 I think there is a lot to be said about reaching up and safely setting that Sword of Damocles in a trusted fellow creature’s paw, rather than letting it hang over you unattended to.

Yarrrkito: Thanks Another Blue Dog, and congrats on deepening your relationship with your two-legger partner! Our longer email for today comes from Arisa, writing in with the subject, “Thank you for everything.”

Will: Arisa’s email reads, (reading) Seriously, thank you for being one of the biggest sources of information and the biggest resource for support for zoosexuals.

The Stallion: Aww! Goodness!

Will: (reading) I have probably been zoosexual my entire life, or at least from a very young age, however I didn’t really have a word for it or put much thought into it/explore it until last year. I had feelings both sexual and non for animals and other species for as long as I can remember, but never acted on it because I knew it was “wrong” and knew that if I was ever to be caught, there would be dire consequences. But even as I got older, I still never branched out and explored, I just kept it hidden from everyone I knew, and buried it deep in the back of my mind, as my life hasn’t been so great and I had other stuff going on.

For reference, I am almost 30 now.

The Stallion: That’s a mood.

Yarrrkito: Is it a mood, though?

The Stallion: Let me have this one, Yarki.

Will: Arisa continues, (reading) I didn’t even know that there were other people like me, let alone that this was a sexuality!

The Stallion: Indeed there are quite a number of people like us! And indeed it is a sexuality. We think so anyways. That seems to be the consensus so far, from science, philosophy, aaaand just what I hear around. But yes, anyways, please, continue.

Will: (reading) I started dating my current boyfriend who is into some pretty alternative kinks and fetishes, and something in me just finally broke loose and told me to “come out” to him. I didn’t even know THAT’S what I was doing at the time, since I didn’t realize this was a sexuality. I just thought I liked to watch a shameful genre of porn, and had terrible thoughts LOL. But shockingly enough, he was VERY accepting, although not a zoo himself, and heavily encouraged me to explore that side of myself. He really wants me to be happy being who I am and wants me to not hate myself. So….here I am!

Yarrrkito: Yay! Welcome to here :3

Will: (reading) I started researching as much on the topic as I could, and it was honestly very scary at first. It was like finally putting that missing puzzle piece that was lost for so many years into place. I was on a journey of self discovery. I remember finding ZooCommunity and ZooVille, and just closing my laptop and going to bed. Was this me? Was this what I was lacking all those years? I had no clue that it even had a name, that it was a sexuality, or that there were other people like me! I became obsessed, and still am in the midst of my journey now. I’m on all the zoo forums, I have listened to every Zooier Than Thou episode–oh wow–, read Hani Miletski’s book, and am in the middle of reading Uniquely Dangerous. I also make art, which includes zooey art as well! I really just dove head first into being a full fledged zoo after not knowing/hiding who I really was for almost 30 years, and it feels SO good.

The Stallion: Busy paws! Talons? Hooves? A very busy to-do list, whatever the prehensile appendage with which to do it all may be. That’s wonderful!

Will: (reading) It also feels so good to have such an accepting partner as well. He isn’t a zoo himself, unfortunately, but this is the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in and I feel like I can spread my wings and truly be my authentic self around him, no matter how weird it gets. Acceptance is all I can truly ask for.

I’m sure I will write in again–PLEASE do–, I could go on forever about anything zoo-related. I never shut up to my boyfriend about it–fuuuck yeah–, and I quite literally talk about zoo stuff all the time to him and anybody else who knows. I really just love animals.

Thank you guys for everything that you do, truly, this is an amazing resource and to know I’m not alone is a comforting feeling. I hope you guys stay happy and healthy. See ya!!!

The Stallion: THANK you for writing in, Arisa. THIS right here; This is why we broadcast, folks; This feeling of isolation, shame, unknowing, fuck all that! Visibility is important. Knowing you’re not the only one, and that rather than shame surrounding this topic of zoosexuality, there can be learning, positivity, closer bonds with those around us, enrichment in the world. And dog penis!

Yarrrkito: And dog penis.

Will: Dog penis enjoyers for real.

Yarrrkito: Oh, okayyyy I’m seeing a new note from the execs. Uhhhh we have received a list of things we’re not allowed to say anymore.

The Stallion: Wait, what?

Will: What’s… on it? What’s on the “forbidden” list?

Yarrrkito: From now on, Zoo Pirate Radio Forever is not allowed- wait should we read this on the air? Whatever. The email, WHICH I AM READING FOR INFORMATION PURPOSES, says that from now on, Zoo Pirate Radio Forever is not allowed to say: Two Legger…

Will: What??

Yarrrkito: Cookie…

The Stallion: Oh COME on!

Will: HA! Cookie Monster J is fuuuuuucked, good luck Eric you got this dude!

Yarrrkito: Sphincter…

The Stallion: When have we EVER said sphincter on the air?

Will: I rarely say sphincter OFF the air!

Yarrrkito: Heat…

Will: Shout out to global warming. RIP to a real one.

Yarrrkito: Garurumon…

Will: I’m furious.

The Stallion: Why Garurumon?

Yarrrkito: Houndoom…

Will and The Stallion: Oh, well yeah that makes sense.

Yarrrkito: Donut… Wink…

The Stallion: How many words are on this list?

Yarrrkito: There’s a couple of pages here.

The Stallion: Oh, for fuck’s sake.

Will: How aboutttt we go to music, say a LOT of words on this list among ourselves, anddd come back.

The Stallion: (maliciously) You know, I think I have just a song. Here’s newcomer Mango Squirrel with “Mountaintop Mount,” a tale of a tawdry trist, right here on Channel 200, Zoo Pirate Radio Ostensibly Forever.

Mountaintop Mount

Mango: Paws pitter patter

On a cool crisp night

A two legs follow

Up wilderness height

Together they travel

Secluded from sight

Both rest their feet

Feel cold air bite

Huddled for warmth

Thick fur invites

Long faithful snug

A meeting of eyes

Heat of his panting

Covered in slime

All over the face

His kisses entice

Can’t help but lick back

Lips lead to find

Shoved down the throat

Tongues intertwine

A passionate scene

Fall over and grind

Flesh against fur

A melding of minds

Primordial essence

From which we were born

Spring forward life

Twist to many forms

Some grew to darkness

And some to light

We share our core

Sexuality alike

Lovers lock lips

Rock back and forth

Saliva swap dripping

Tilt low to the earth

Muzzle hangs over

His pads pinning down

Lapping each droplet

With chuffing sounds

Veiny red membrane

Pokes out from the hound

Their maws pull apart

And look all around

Full moon light

And cold forest air

Reach under and hold

His fur hanging pair

Hand to the sheath

Can’t help but stare

Open up wide

Wrap around with care

He begins to move

Red rocket thrust

Inward and out

Drinking angel dust

Primordial essence

From which we were born

Spring forward life

Twist to many forms

Some grew to darkness

And some to light

We share our core

Sexuality alike

Slurp and gurgle

Eyes filled with lust

Stopping before

He has to bust

Flip on all fours

A wiggling butt

Shake off his mount

Teasing the mutt

He circles around

And jumps back up

A warm willing hole

Beckons the pup

Paws to the hips

An excited slut

In goes the tip

The rest with no fuss

Out comes the moans

And repeating huffs

Red rocket milk

Dog hips percuss

Knot comes knocking

Punch to the guts

With one final pop

The knot’s tied shut

Whine and yowl

Screaming out fuck

Pulsate and throb

Synchronized nut

He spurts and squirts

Continuously

Flip ass to ass

As he still leaks

Both share the moment

Although they feel spent

Their hearts are racing fast

They’re stuck together

Both literal tether

And connection built to last

Ask Zooey, with Zooey

Zooey: Ask me about heavy and hairy interspecies relationship advice.

Voice 1: (reading) How do I ask out a small dog like a Corgi?

Voice 2: (reading) Is it asking too much for a two-legger and a grizzly bear to BOTH sit at the candle-lit dinner table?

Voice 3: (reading) This human and I met about 3 months ago, and, other than that one date to the vet, I just don’t know if he’s for real. How can I pick up on where his mind is at?

Voice 4: (reading) How do I get my German Shepherd to knot me?

Zooey: Ask me about safe and slimy bestialiscious sexual mechanics.

Voice 5: (reading) What is the least awkward way for a two-legger to mount a Yellow Lab?

Voice 6: (reading) Do stallions HAVE “heat cycles,” orrr what’s going on here?

Voice 7: (reading) Are humans safe to lick “down there”?

Voice 4: (reading) How do I get my German Shepherd to knot me?

Zooey: If it involves interspecies courtship, or the carnal congress that can occur therefrom, then PAW-lease, ask me absolutely anything.

Voice 4: Seriously, HOW do I let this German Shepherd know I want him to knot me? I thought it would be SO straightforward. What am I missing?

Zooey: For all your cross-species relationship advice, don’t miss Ask Zooey.

Announcer: Airing Saturdays, right after the Zooier Than Thou Radio Show!

Satellite Radio - What is Good Radio?

Radio Ident: Ch-ch-ch-channel 200. Zoo Pirate Radio. FOREVER.

Yarrrkito: Hi Will! Welcome to the bakery!

Will: Thanks! Wow Yarrrkito, I see so many things that look yummy!

Yarrrkito: Anything you want to get?

Will: I’m really, really tempted by these circular pieces of dough that have a hole in the middle of them and frosting on top.

Yarrrkito: Yes. Lots of people come in and look through the glass at… Those.

Will: Say, do you have any dough disks that have chocolate chips on top?

Yarrrkito: Dough disks are our specialty.

Will: Awesome! Wow oh wow, it sure is chilly in here. It sure would be nice if the particles in the air were vibrating faster, and transfering the feeling of that kinetic energy to me.

Yarrrkito: Hmmmmm… Well… nothing warms me up like a throbbing, hot horse cock.

Will: That is an oddly acceptable thing to say!

Yarrrkito: Indeed! Are there any other oddly acceptable things we can say?

Will: Weirdly enough, any of these words: Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, Tits, aaaaand Gaping!

Yarrrkito: Huh! That seems like an enormous oversight that someone should have made a rule against maybe!

Will: Maybe!

The Stallion: Aaaaaaaand scene! Brava, ladies, brava! You’re listening to Zooier Than Thou on channel 200, which we have newly dubbed Zoo Pirate Radio Garurumon Forever!

Will: A subsidiary of Houndoom Incorporated!

Yarrrkito: Wink wink. …Wink.

The Stallion: My sphincter’s tightening just thinking about what the next fax we get from corporate is going to say.

Corpo 1: Why wait for a fax when we can have a pow wow sesh right here in person? :3

Will: WOW, my sphicter actually DID just tighten a lot.

Corpo 2: Relaaaax, Will. We’re not here to bite your heads off. We just thought it would be a great opportunity to level set and make sure we’re all on the same page!

Corpo 1: Right, we’re totally on your side, here, and we’re here to support that stick-it-to-the-man aesthetic of your brand.

The Stallion: Yeah? Well what the hell is this, then? (sound of papers in hand shaking)

Corpo 2: It’s really just about synergizing our brands so that they work cohesively together. You know how to be punk rock and subversive, and we know how to play to the mainstream. It’s about making your subversive message… more palatable. So it’s easier for people to digest. Get it?

The Stallion: Mmmmmm I think I get it. I worry whether or not you get us.

Corpo 1: Hey, I totally understand. A couple of corporate stiffs really harshing the vibe with a bunch of “rules and regulations.” Satellite’s known for its lack of censorship at the federal level, so what gives?

Corpo 2: We hate FCC regulations too, you know! But it seems like our actual concern here might have gotten lost in the medium. So we’re trying to do something a little different, to get on your level. Emails, faxes, Slack messages, all that stuff is really stuffy and bureaucratic. You guys like to handle things face to face, live on the air, in front of an audience. Which is not something I would have come up with, but, this kind of hijinks is in your show’s DNA, it works for you, so, we’ll play ball. (excited to tell) We have pirate names!

Yarrrkito: (kind of dreading it but also curious) What are your pirate names.

Corpo 1: Day to day, I’m Mark. But on the radio, you can call me Hazard.

Corpo 2: On the high seas I go by Fang.

Yarrrkito: Fuck those are good.

The Stallion: Cool pirate names or not, Hazard and Fang, you’re still the East India Company of radio execs.

(Henceforth, Corpo 1 and Corpo 2 are now Hazard and Fang.)

Hazard: Look, Stallion.

Pirates: THE Stallion!

Hazard: Let me lay this out for you. We’re the largest Satellite radio provider in North America. That’s 35 million listeners, give or take. Our business is tailoring our channels to the niche interests of those millions of ears. With hundreds and hundreds of channels, we’ve got something for everyone. And you’re here because you’ve got something we want.

Fang: An untapped demographic.

Hazard: Bingo, Fang! So you bring us your audience, and we give you a platform to expand that audience. Quid pro quo. We make the money off your subscribers, you get your message to a bunch of new ears. It’s a double-plus win scenario.

Yarrrkito: Double-plus win??

Fang: But if your message turns off those new ears, they won’t tune in. And that means at best your message is lost, and at worst, we lose that precious subscriber dosh. So yes, technically, you can say whatever you want to say on the air, uncensored, in theory. But in practice, if you swear alone in the forest, do you really care?

Hazard: What we’re here to offer for your consideration is that those words might be pushing people – listeners – away more than it’s drawing people in. And, for our sake, and ALSO for yours, it would behoove you to reach as many listeners as possible and keep them engaged for as long as possible. That’s the name of the game, Stallion.

Pirates: THE Stallion!

The Stallion: We’re not just doing it for the sake of people hearing our pretty voices. We aim to change the tide, and we’re not interested in compromising who we are to do it. We’re here, we’re queer, and we’re horny for deer. But we’re also into environmental protection and animal rights. The whole, unvarnished package, naked and unafraid!

Fang: That stuff just doesn’t resonate with a mainstream audience. As much as it sucks, you’ve got to button up a bit, clean some of the soot off your face, and polish that message clean so that it goes down easy for those unaccustomed to your, shall we say, subversive, alternative brand.

Hazard: You want that mainstream audience? You’ve got to play ball. Folsom Street parades don’t win over Middle America. In fact, that kind of behavior is weaponized against you. And our shareholders aren’t interested in having the content we broadcast weaponized against their bottom line. You get it?

Fang: So you gotta decide, zoo crew: are you content with appealing to an audience of hundreds to low thousands, or are you ready for the big leagues?

Hazard: Anyways, we’re going to leave, let you think about it. Oh! We were wondering if you wanted to do a skit where you like, violently throw us out of the room? :3

Will: …Shoots you out of a cannon.

Fang: (kinda half whisper-y) Cool! Okay! Bye!

(Door closes.)

(Cannon shooting sound effect from Will’s soundboard.)

The Stallion: I hate that that all kinda made sense.

Will: Did we win? Who won?

Yarrrkito: Ongoing. Undecided victor.

Will: I hate that. That’s awful. (breaks something)

The Stallion: Why do you keep doing that?

Will: We can finance that. Yeah I don’t know. What are we going to do about all this?

The Stallion: (breathes out a heavy and frustrated HMMMM) I think we need some time to think. Let’s play some new tunes. First up is a track penned by our very own Zooey of Ask Zooey fame. It’s “The Ballad of Sleipnir (or Loki Seduces a Horse).” Then, we have a magical grand tour of the “Crystal Caves of Nerezoo,” by Rainfall. All here on Channel 200, Zoo Pirate Radio. Maybe not forever. We’ll see.

Radio Ident: Ch-ch-ch-channel 200. Zoo Pirate Radio.

The Ballad of Sleipnir (Loki Seduces a Horse)

Zooey: With all the talk of gods and walls

Who figured it be I who’d be first to fall?

For in the tryst of trickery

‘Tis thee who put a spell on me

And Freyja, fairest, fain should fret

I turned into mare with her weird blanket

For with my wiles, and guile, and thinking, I

Hoped to catch you with my winking

Put it bluntly, your giant master

Is all-together a giant bastard

One would think that applies to his steed

And what time it would take if I took him to breed, but I

Must admit, your charm, your walk

And throbbing, pulsing, um, sweet-talk

Cut right through my roguish guile

Would it be so wrong if I bore your child?

And all the talk of gods and walls

And claims that I’m the craftiest god of all

A beast outwits the snake of the norse

It seems I am in love with a horse

And all the talk of gods and walls

And claims that I’m the craftiest god of all

A beast outwits the snake of the norse

It seems I am in love with a horse

Crystal Caves of Nerezoo

Tour Guide: Welcome to the Crystal Caves of Nerezoo!

I’ll be your guide! Together, we will explore this magical place, and if you like, we can say hi to all of its wonderful creatures!

Down that tunnel… after you!

Let’s enter the Crystal Hall.

Be careful, some of these crystals bend space and time.

Intercom: Attention please! Visitors are reminded that performing zoophile activity on or around the time crystals may result in being caught in a time loop —

caught in a time loop - oh crap

caught in a time loop - oh crap

caught in a time loop - oh crap

caught in a time loop

Tour Guide: Take the next turn left and follow the violet light…

We’ll pass Amethyst Gate and reach the dragon cave.

Intercom: Please mind the dragon!

Tour Guide: On to the most beautiful place, our main attraction

Yes, that’s right! It an underground sea!

Isn’t it glowing the most beautiful shade of teal?

Oh hey! It’s that Nerezoo Wolf you met earlier by the time crystals! I didn’t notice he followed us!

Our tour ends here. But the night is just beginning! Why not stay at our resort and spend the evening with your new friend?

Satellite Radio - Henceforth

The Stallion: You are listening to the one, the only, Channel 200, Zoo Pirate Radio… for now. Folks, as you may have guessed, our humble pirate crew prides itself on being antiestablishment to the core. So perhaps, in light of that, we made a mistake trying to land a gig on mainstream radio.

Will: Yyyyeahhhh we MAY have gotten a little far ahead of our snouts here. The pitch of satellite seemed really up our alley, like, kinda punk rock. No content regulations, no advertisements, has a station where you can listen to only Green Day songs 24/7.

Yarrrkito: But in another sense, it’s a public corporation, beholden to profit margins and dividends for investors. The Overton Window here hasn’t quite shifted far enough in the direction of the high seas, yarrr…

The Stallion: Frankly, Hazard and Fang can go fuck themselves. But they also make a good point. Someone’s got to get in front of people and say, “Hey, I’m a zoophile –”

Yarrrkito: Feralphile.

The Stallion: “– and I am a model, taxpaying citizen with a clean background and a polished, clean message built for the masses.” That type of activism, ultimately, is going to be necessary.

Will: Somewhere out there, someone is going to do it.

The Stallion: But folks, that’s just not who we are. We’re rough around the edges. We’re noisy, we’re loud, we’re unabashedly queer, and we’re not afraid to let you know the pleasures of Houndoom pussy. We’re pirates. We’re criminals. We’re dancing naked in the streets wearing nothing but a giant middle finger on each paw.

Will: In short, we are not the polished, acceptable feralphile the mainstream is ready to love and embrace. In MY opinion we’re not even that weird, like, frankly I think zoophilia is all pretty normal, but, uh, the world issss catching up to us still, maybe. My only point being, we’re not FOR every kind of person; I think we’re more for THE kind of person who needs to hear us.

Yarrrkito: The kind of person who sees someone being radically queer and realizes finally that they are not alone, and someone gets it.

The Stallion: And that’s important, and it’s our bread and butter. But that other kind of “polished” activism is important, too. Veterinarians who have a perfect record of integrity and the trust of their patients. Lawyers who demonstrate the ability to abide by and influence the law. Animal rights activists who have a clear mission that everyone can get behind. No doubt we’ll be at odds with the buttoned-up zoo activist types, and that’s OK. But you can’t put a suit on a horse and expect him to know a dinner fork from a dessert fork.

Yarrrkito: So, what are we going to do, then?

The Stallion: We’re going to fuck off and go back to doing our own thing, our own way. Once the Reckless and Dangerous is fully operational, we’ll go back to our lifestyle. But instead of all that ornery terrestrial radio equipment, we’ll stream online, where zoos don’t have to subscribe to a corporate package and buy expensive equipment just to hear our programming. And our patented Space Folding Radio Wave tech means our beautiful listeners among the stars won’t have any interruptions to our 24 hour programming.

Hazard: Yeahhhhhh you can’t do that though.

Will: WHERE do you COME from?

Fang: Oo, do you want to give us “entrance music,” sort of fade it in so that we stop startling everyone when we show up, and then it can be a whole thing of, “Oh no, they’re coming!”

Will: NO. I mean, also kind of yes, actually, but, no we’re not doing that, you’re already here and the show’s over soon.

Hazard: Over soon? Iiiii think your contract may not say Zoo Pirate Radio Forever, buuuut it definitely says “one year.” And we’re what, a few days in?

The Stallion: So what’s to stop us from squatting on your equipment for the remainder of the year and doing our wink heat Garurumon dog-penis show on your dime? While neverendingly ignoring your “suggestions” while we’re at it.

Yarrrkito: What do you want? Why did you come down here again if you have no actual power here?

Fang: Oh! We actually have all of the power here, we were just wanting to do this in a way that is mutually beneficial and fosters better growth opportunities, IF we could get that out of ya.

Hazard: Sorry!

Fang: Yeahhhh, I’m afraid you don’t really have any options, here. Per your contract, we CAN apply our editorial vision to this programming. Um, “Censorship,” as I think you’ll call it, but we like to think of it more as aligning our brands.

Yarrrkito: Oh no. Who could have seen this coming.

The Stallion: Well, to all you folks listening at home, I suppose this is the end of the road, and we have no choice but to submit to our corporate overlords, do exactly as they say, stop talking in such offensive and naughty ways about mere animals, and- Oh, wait, hold on a moment. What if we DID, in fact, buy out our contract right now, walk out that fucking door, and you can find something else to put on Channel 200 while we keep doing our thing the way we’ve always done.

Hazard: Does that sound like a viable business model for your message?

The Stallion: Yeah. I think it does.

Yarrrkito: Agreed.

Will: Agreed.

Marimba Dakka: (Via ゑ wave) Agreed.

Tabuna Kaymbo: (Via ゑ wave) Stick it to em!

The Stallion: We’re not alone here.

Yarrrkito: Very far from it.

The Stallion: Will, let’s hit play on our last track for Zoo Pirate Radio Oops-Not-So-Forever. And to all of you guys, gals, and nonbinary pals listening out there in the world, keep your nose sniffing at the airwaves, we’ll be back at it again somewhere else before you know it.

Yarrrkito: I think we all learned a valuable lesson about working together but then also standing up for what you believe in and being yourself and… am I forgetting anything?

Will: Animals are attractive.

Yarrrkito: Oh, right, and we learned a lot about feralphilia, which is henceforth something that we will refer to as “being a zoo.” What else, before we go?

Will: Um. (points) Does that look expensive?

Yarrrkito: Yes.

(something breaks)

The Stallion: Couldn’t have said it better myself. Alright, everyone have your things? Haha, I’m not turning the car around once we’re out of here. Good? Wonderful. Here’s a fucking spectacular send off from Shiv, “Pasiphae and the Bull.” Stay defiant, zoo nation! We’re outta here!

Hazard: Wait, where are you-

Pasiphae and the Bull

Shiv: I had seen your bovine eyes

And seething hatred in my husband’s heart lies

Then I was so ashamed I thought I might die

But I never meant to cause you pain

Wish I’d been your father’s bride

I really do not know what drove me to lie

And say that by the sea-father cursed was I

That winding cage I

Never wanted anything like that for you my child

Ooooooooooo

Ooooooooo

Ooooooooo

Oooooooo

There are rising clouds and when it rains

I pray they’ll wash my sins away

I think about them every day

Imprisoned in my palace

They’re my lover, may he always graze

On greener pastures on his way

My son trapped in that wretched maze

Got all gods on Olympus singing

Aaaaaahhhh

Since I was but a young child

My yearning heart was always drawn to the wild

The place where cattle herders wandered for miles

Is where I’d have acquired the taste

I grew up thinking it best

To lay my cowly inclinations to rest

Too long those feelings have pressed down on my chest

That winding cage I

only now realize that really I was blessed

Ooooooo

Ooooooo

Ooooooo

Ooooooo

There are rising clouds and when it rains

I pray they’ll wash my sins away

I think about them day by day

Imprisoned in my palace

They’re my lover, may he always graze

On greener pastures on his way

My son trapped in that wretched maze

Got all gods on Olympus singing

Aaaaaahhhh

Aaaaaaaaah

Aaaaaaaaah

Aaaaaaaaah

Aaaaaaaaah

Aaaaaahhhh

Satellite Radio - Outro

Hazard: Hey what’s up you’re listening to Hazard and Fang on Channel 200, Zoo Pirate Radio Forever, keeping the mics warm while the scheduled hosts are AWOL.

Fang: Quite a lineup earlier, we had zipwok with Soy Un Labrador, then Lyko slid in with “Shore.” Next we had newcomer Mango Squirrel with “Mountaintop Mount,” followed by the illustrious Zooey with her song, “The Ballad of Sleipnir (Loki Seduces a Horse).” Rainfall guided us through the magical, magnificent “Crystal Caves of Nerezoo,” and Shiv brought us home with “Pasiphae and the Bull.”

Hazard: Hit us up on the web at zoo.wtf, and be sure to subscribe using rss.zoo.wtf to get notified every time we’re on the air. Also don’t miss out on our bonus feed at bonus.zoo.wtf. If you want to show your support financially, the URL to go to is donate.zoo.wtf, and I feel it’s worth noting that the platform we use for donations is anonymous, for us and for you. You can definitely check it out if you want to find out more about our costs and goals. Send your fan mail to [email protected], but make sure to let us know if we can read your message on the air, and a name we can use when reading it!

Fang: Our hosts in the studio earlier were The Stallion, also known as Zack Mathers, Will, AKA Eggshell Ghosthearth, and Yarrrkito AKA… Akito. If you wanna check out more from Akito, she also does a show with some people named Velo and Brass Bulldog. It’s called Zoo & Me, and you can check it out at zooand.me. Politics, pop culture, sharing annecdotes, ocassionally mentioning that they bigtime see ferals as a fav, it’s a really laid back vibe, it’s pretty chill, it’s pretty caʒ-maxxed, why not check it out if you’re also into politics, pop culture, annecdotes, or talking about what species of ferals you would swipe right on. That URL where you can find Zoo & Me with Akito, Velo, and Brass Bulldog is, once again, zooand.me.

Hazard: The next event to mark your calendars for Zooier Than Thou-wise is the Sanguine Moon. That is the full moon in October, and you know what that means, it’s time to gather round and hear some fur-raising tales for Howloween. We will also be doing our annual Samhain ritual. If you have a lost loved one, whether an animal who changed your life or a human who was important to your zoo journey, send comms to [email protected] with your eulogy or dedication. The zoo crew can either read your submission on air, or you can send us a recording to give it a personal touch!

Fang: My name is Fang, biting the good bite.

Hazard: And my name is Hazard, always getting in the way of your most carefully laid plans, and you’ve almost finished listening to this hour of Zooier Than Thou. Here to close us out is zipwok with a brand new take on the Shiv classic, “Horsey Boyfriend”! Stay defiant, all you zoos out there. We’ll see you next time you feel like howling at the moon.

Both: Awoo!!!

Horsey Boyfriend (Shiv Cover)

zipwok: Horsey Boyfriend, We were living apart

Horsey Boyfriend, We’re moving together outside

Horsey Boyfriend, We’re going in nature

Horsey Boyfriend, That’s the way we decided

After days and days of walking forwards

We found a funny looking cave we started moving towards

This place has everything we need

And a couple extras too

Perfect for a zoo like me and a horse like you

With some good views of the lake

And a valley to have fun in

We can stay here if you want

Horsey Boyfriend, we’re living together

Where nobody bothers you and me (Bothers you and me)

We don’t need a key for a place like this

And we get to stay here all for free

Horsey Boyfriend, we’re living in nature

We don’t live in a society (A society)

We don’t need a key for a place like this

And we get to stay here all for free

Horsey Boyfriend, I love living here with you

Horsey Boyfriend, you love living here with me

Horsey Boyfriend, i love playing songs for you

Horsey Boyfriend, you give the best massages

After days and days of walking forwards

We found a funny looking cave we started moving towards

This place has everything we need

And a couple extras too

Perfect for a zoo like me and a horse like you

With some good views of the lake

And a valley to have fun in

We can stay here if you —

Horsey Boyfriend, we’re living together

Where nobody bothers you and me (Bothers you and me)

We don’t need a key for a place like this

And we get to stay here all for free

Horsey Boyfriend, we’re living in nature

We don’t live in a society (A society)

We don’t need a key for a place like this

And we get to stay here all for free

Horsey Boyfriend, we’re living together

Where nobody bothers you and me (Bothers you and me)

We don’t need a key for a place like this

And we get to stay here all for free

Horsey Boyfriend, we’re living in nature

We don’t live in a society (A society)

We don’t need a key for a place like this

And we get to stay here all for free