Another Botched Finale

Please note that this transcript is automatically generated and contains many inaccuracies

Disclaimer

Announcer: The Zooier Than Thou Podcast contains adult concepts and language and therefore should never be listened to by anybody. So if you’re listening anyway, that probably means you’re the kind of person who should be listening anyway, or should you? But if you’re not listening and should be, how are we supposed to tell you to listen anyway?

Don’t enjoy the show.

Theme Song

Kynophile: Hey, what can I say?

You’ve got me howlin’ at the moon!

Whoa, don’t you know that love is wild when you’re a zoo?

We’re Zooier Than Thou!

Oh yeah!

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Another Botched Job

Brass: Hello and welcome to a Bo job. I’m your host Brass Bulldog, and I am joined today by three lovely guests. There’re the rack that smiles back taro.

Tarro: Okay. That’s pretty good.

Brass: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. the freakiest monster fucker in now. Fausty roon spade slick.

Spade Slick: And striking the pose. Can you see it?

Tarro: I think it’s a great pose.

Brass: honestly. I think it’s amazing you’re doing a handstand while spitting a basketball on your toe

Spade Slick: Thank you. I practice a lot.

Brass: last but not least, she wears the pants around the ankles. In this relationship, it’s Zoey.

Zooey: Goodness gracious. That’s delightful.

Very happy to be here.

Brass: No. Now all of you know what we’re doing today, right?

Spade Slick: No.

Brass: Didn’t you get the smoke signal I sent

Spade Slick: Oh I just thought something was on fire.

Brass: barbarians? We don’t have time to explain, so we’re just gonna get right into it.

Zooey: Fantastic.

Brass: So taro,

Tarro: Yes.

Brass: give me a person.

Tarro: Like any person,

Brass: A person

Tarro: Joan of Arc,

Brass: Joan of Arc. Interesting. All right.

Tarro: did I win?

Brass: Zoo.

A noun.

Zooey: Tappers.

Brass: Sorry, what was that?

Zooey: Tappers or the A tapper, a single tapper

Brass: What’s a topper?

Zooey: appetizers in

Brass: Look, I’m still using smoke signals. What do you expect?

Zooey: Imagine a bowl full of olives. That’s the noun I choose,

Brass: Okay. Okay. And spade, give me a place

Spade Slick: A furry convention

Brass: Now we’ve got a couple mo, couple more of these to go through. Tara, give me a noun.

Tarro: A gun.

Brass: All right, Zoey, give me another noun

Zooey: train.

Brass: and spade an activity

Dogging very well.

Spade Slick: Are we going to get scored on the words we give?

Zooey: Yeah, I am afraid I’m not

going After that one.

Tarro: I am assuming I’m in first place,

Brass: Ta give me an adjective.

Tarro: an adjective,

Brass: It’s a describing word.

Tarro: um, cold

Brass: Zoey, you keep getting the nouns. One more noun.

Zooey: Oh let’s go with the classic, the knot.

Brass: Not very well. And finally, spade, give me a verb. Ending an ING.

Spade Slick: Nagging.

Brass: Nagging. All right. Taro. Tell me about when Jon Novar got stuck behind a top At a furry con.

Tarro: stuck behind a tapa.

Brass: At a furry con.

Tarro: All right. There was this one time Joan of Arc, was at a furry convention. and of course the voices in her head were leading her to the rave because that’s what the voices in your head do at a furry convention. And on her way there, she got stopped because she saw a table full of delicious appetizers.

And

Brass: zoo. Make it more dramatic.

Zooey: oh, and the taps were spoiled, absolutely rancid. They’d been laying on the table for an age, and everybody had eaten him every single olive and pepperoni right before the rave had began. Now, little did they know they weren’t just rancid with ordinary mold. Now there was erit all present throughout the entire topper table.

Brass: spade. Make it a detective noir.

Spade Slick: Of course, when she looked at that table, she knew that something was wrong. They were all laid out differently and to the untrained eye. It must have been just a normal little tapper spread. But there was one thing, one particular tapper left quarter eye. It was a perfect bowl curvy in all the right places and round in all the others,

Zooey: A bowl, you say

Spade Slick: and the olives inside beautifully black.

Like the pupils of a great dame. She knew that this was the one that she couldn’t let go of.

Zooey: charm.

Brass: Tara. Bring us home with it being a mythical

Tarro: Mythical.

Brass: yes. Make it like a Greek myth.

Tarro: Oh, like a Greek myth. Okay. What’s Zeus gonna fuck? she went towards the top of his bull. She looked at the olives, the perfect black olives as described. as she reached for one, suddenly a lightning bolt struck outside. There was a crash of thunder and in wa, Zeus, in all his glory, wearing a toga, which honestly didn’t seem that at a place, at a furry convention.

To be honest. He looked pretty normal. He said Those olives are magic olives that if eaten will tf you into a creature, which then I can have sex with. ‘cause that’s what he did. And so Joan of ate the olive and turned into a beautiful ste, and they got it the fuck on.

Brass: All right. I’m just gonna update your scores real quick. now zooey

See a gun about a train for dogging

Zooey: Hopefully by gun we are alluding to a rocket launcher or a red rocket launcher, one might assume. And by a train we aren’t talking about simple public transit. There’s another type of train with these rocket launchers that I would like to be running if I may be given permission to do so, and I’ll let you all fill in the dots as to how I’m going to be using the verb in question.

Brass: spade. Somehow make this not horny.

Zooey: Good luck.

Spade Slick: fuck.

Tarro: On just make the act of meeting up with strangers in a public place for sex, not horny.

Spade Slick: But when I got there, the dreams of the red rocket launches, the train running, flying through my mind. I got to that field in the middle of nowhere where all the best dogging happens, and I found that I had completely missed that dogging was actually with other humans and not with dogs.

Zooey: Yes.

Brass: Taro

like a true crime podcast

Tarro: Oh, I haven’t watched Nature Crime Podcast House. Okay, I got this, 11:45 PM location. The park, the scene, empty. Not a single person in sight. As our protagonist walked through the field, they looked around and saw evidence, condoms, fluids sex toys. Where did all the people go? Who can say, tune in for the next episode to find out.

Brass: and Zooey.

I’m I just want you to know I’m also having to improvise what styles I’m giving you

Zooey: You’re doing fantastic and I’m scared.

Brass: bringing home a tragedy.

Zooey: for indeed, the fluids in the condoms strewn about the park were a sign that the time was well spent among friends dogging, regardless of whether or not a dog was in the presence to do so. and it was a lovely evening with the moon hanging high and the stars out shining. But what we forgot to take into consideration was the fact that I am stalling for time. I’m coming up with an idea, the condoms were non biodegradable.

Brass: Oh

Zooey: Whoa.

Brass: It’s an ecological disaster.

Tarro: I think the real tragedy is the friends we made along the way.

Zooey: Thank you very kindly.

Brass: spade,

Spade Slick: Hello.

Brass: me about a commission you got of a cold knot nagging.

Zooey: That one’s like a town in scar.

Spade Slick: there was a story that I had to write, and it was about this snow fox. Upon a mountain and oh, what kind of snow? Fox lives at the top of a mountain, only the most grandiose, the one that sees their solitude as a character trait that sees their rejection of society as a virtue. Oh, the condescension that dripped like the icicles from its Maine. And my God, you thought that the nagging from a Manosphere podcast listening person, your local bar was bad. You haven’t heard the condescension that can drip from the muzzle of a snow fox like that. And I’ve gotta tell you, that cold knot that they had, it was only just good enough to offset it.

Brass: Thorough. Make it a German fairytale.

Tarro: I love that you gave this to the frigging North American. Okay. German fairytale.

Brass: you, you understand how German fairytales are. Yes.

Tarro: I love that you think I was about to attempt to speak German. That’s really brave of you. Uh, okay. Here’s Okay. German fairytale legend was told of the knot on this beast. For it was said that despite the chilliness of the creature, the knot was perfect, the right size hit all the right places.

One day a man decided to venture up the mountain to try and entice the snow fox to give him this knot, so to speak. he climbed through treacherous treacherous mountain terrain, finally reaching the den of the snow fox. He bent down and presented himself, but alas, he froze to death and died.

I think that’s how most German fairytales end. Like I, I don’t really, I don’t really know.

Brass: You did get a, you did get in like the random, unnecessary tragedy of it. Yeah,

Tarro: Yeah. That’s the goal.

Zooey: The main thing here is that the main character perishes at some point.

Brass: Yeah.

Tarro: Yeah.

Brass: yeah. I was hoping for a more ironic one, but yeah. All right. All right. Now I gotta think of another thing to make it into

Tarro: But you did kill off the character

Brass: you Johnson on us here.

Zooey Give us a dramatic revival of this character as a superhero

Zooey: The fox had all five of the infinity stones and all that was lacking was the soul stone that which could recreate or wait, I’m not entirely certain, which stone brings people back to life. I think that one killed people.

Tarro: What, What of the stones does it probably

Zooey: of the, yeah, the search was in vain for the fox, probably statistically it was in possession of the stone that had the chant to bring people back to life. The stones were laid upon the table. The table made of ice full of cracks. The weathered ages, freezing and thawing. Thousands of years in the making was this table, and it was in vain for the. Todd once again, once the stones brought enough heat about in order to bring the man back to life, and no longer was the cold, not cold, it was warmed up by the heat. I’m glad nobody stopped me.

Brass: I, I’m waiting for the, where you get to the superhero

Zooey: well, I don’t think that you need a superhero. Once five of the infinity

stones are in possession,

Tarro: the very clear through line here is that the fox has the infinity stone somehow in his knot. And he fucks the guy who’s dead and passes the infinity stone into his rectum which then revives him and then he gets some sort of fox like powers.

Zooey: I willingly concede my points

Brass: Yeah. Spade, describe the new superpowers that have come from this, that

Zooey: a not, but with five bulbs. Good luck.

Tarro: God my favorite hero,

Zooey: Yeah, that’s the superpower. You don’t need anything else?

Tarro: honestly.

Spade Slick: Behold the light shining through the ice. And there you see the silhouette of that 10 tailed fox man brought back in Kane form their tails fanning out behind them like the hands on a clock. Except wait a moment, that one’s not a tail at all, but it definitely hangs and sways it just the same way with its five old technical knots.

Tarro: In my head, cannon, this superhero, every single one of the tails is a tail plug that they can pull out and use as like a whip or something. I just think that’d be really, or maybe each different one has a different gadget.

Zooey: Oh, wait, what? Thing called? Where you, it’s the Ebola. You use it and you can throw at people to bind their legs

Tarro: Yeah.

Zooey: to the floor.

Spade Slick: oh. What? What? What happens is that you pull out one, hey, you’re like, oh, damn. It’s the wrong one. Hang on. Just stand there a moment. I need to just, oh, yeah. There you ask the right one.

Tarro: Yeah. Batman’s utility belt, but in a very different format.

Brass: M

Zooey: Batman’s BDSM, discount and fine wears.

Tarro: I had shop there.

Brass: All right. And that is the end of our first batch of

Tarro: thank God Mad Libs are so scary.

Brass: now you, be careful with what you’re putting taro. Give me an animal.

Tarro: Uh, a raccoon.

Brass: Very classic.

Tarro: Thank you.

Brass: Zoey, give me a name.

Zooey: Jasmine.

Tarro: Ooh.

Brass: Very nice

spade. Give me a noun.

Spade Slick: Writing desk.

Brass: Very complex. All right. Col. A collective noun.

Tarro: A collective noun.

Brass: Yes. As in like a plural of something or a group

Tarro: Yeah

Brass: probably the better way to phrase it here. Yeah.

Tarro: that’s fine. Tennis balls,

Brass: Zoo a noun,

Zooey: Canon

Brass: and spade A verb.

Spade Slick: Driving.

Brass: I will put drive ‘cause it is not one with an ING taro. This one is with an INGA verb with an ING.

Tarro: Oozing.

Zooey: Ooh,

Brass: All right. And Zooey, you keep getting nouns. I’m very sorry. Noun.

Zooey: ibuprofen.

Brass: Yo, they ibuprofen.

Tarro: I am writing the joke in my head right now for when that comes up.

Brass: and spade a technology.

Spade Slick: Hologram.

Brass: All right.

Tarro: I am so scared.

Brass: Taro?

Spade Slick: I, I think we’re just filling out brass shopping list.

Tarro: very excited for bra to go to the oozing store.

Brass: Yes.

Zooey: Bring back a souvenir.

Brass: Taro. Your prompt is, oh, my raccoon Jasmine. Look at that writing desk.

Tarro: What? What do I do with this?

Zooey: The scene in Ikea, the time, 10 in the morning. The action. A good friend Jasmine, is writing a series of articles of a zoo disposition out in broad daylight for any passers by to witness raunchy, our friend Jasmine is doing the writing. Yes. Why? Who might say, oh, my raccoon Jasmine, but one who often thinks about raccoons, one being a raccoon themself. Taro is the person shopping for a writing desk with a good friend a Jasmine who, for the sake of. Continuity, let’s say, is a dolphin.

Yeah. Interesting. have trouble navigating Ikea ‘cause it’s like above water.

That’s why you’re there. You need to push around the tank

Tarro: Oh, okay. Okay. Okay.

We have one of those big like platform carts and she’s just on it.

Zooey: Exactly.

That’s why it’s, that’s why we’re setting this in Ikea

Spade Slick: Very clever animals.

Tarro: Bubble to text

Brass: Yeah.

Zooey: exactly.

Brass: I had a prompt ready for spade, and I’m gonna be honest the insanity of this has made me forget it.

Spade Slick: Hell yeah,

Brass: So

Tarro: show. Anyway, you can I get, I get, the points by default.

Brass: spade like you’re a salesman trying to sell this writing desk.

Spade Slick: Now see here, not only does this desk have built in zoo.pub Connection at all times on this screen right here, but also look closer. You’ll see the flipper to pen conversion right here. For all your writing needs be you a tic or mammalian, or even both like you, my good madam. Come on, separate up here. See, with the ease of this desk, you could write five, six articles a week and your friend would be overjoyed at your very productivity of every single moment. Buy it now. This beautiful, lovely mahogany zoo connected writing desk, only 999 kron.

Brass: All right,

Tarro: Jasmine, I’m sold.

Brass: Tara, I’m giving you a chance. I’m not even giving you a prompt. Just do something.

Tarro: Jasmine. Just think about it, five, six articles a week that would bring our total to eight articles a week. That would be one for every day and two on Sunday. Just imagine the reach that we could get. Listen

Brass: Bonus points for the commitment to that bit.

Tarro: bras, I’ll always commit for content.

Brass: I do. And that’s why you’re on

Tarro: Wow.

Brass: Zoey. How many tennis balls would a cannon drive? A cannon could drive tennis balls. And why? I.

Zooey: Typically they come in packs of five. And typically at the store, one might be able to purchase any number of packages. So if one were to take into consideration what’s on stock at any given point in a day, one might faithfully come to the conclusion. It’s not too much of a high demand item. I usually, when I’m at the store myself, see for know why I just threw a random German word in there. I see perhaps seven or eight canisters of tennis balls in the count of five. And if I do the math, which I’m terrible at, you can probably take all seven of those tennis balls and fit them in a cannon. Now the trick here is to fit this cannon into any moving vehicle. Uh, the cannon weighing, and I’m bad at mathematics once again, but seven kilograms perhaps.

Brass: Seven. Seven whole kilograms.

Zooey: You might need a very large pickup truck, but I doubt you’d need a semi when a pickup truck will make due. Seven,

Brass: Seven whole kilograms. Okay.

Tarro: I just think different people’s canons can accommodate different amounts of tennis balls. So maybe someone who, has fired a lot of canons out of their canon or a lot of balls outta their canon could maybe fit more balls. But, you know, someone who’s inexperienced at firing their canon could maybe only fit a couple tennis balls,

Zooey: without

into consideration, seven to eight,

Spade Slick: and like for everyone out there at home, remember, it’s not about the size of your canon, but it’s about how you use it, about, about your experience and your enthusiasm with your

Tarro: that’s true. Listen, one tennis ball outta that cannon can do a lot of damage with the right aim

Spade Slick: Yeah.

Brass: Now, now Spade,

Zooey: yes.

Brass: I’m gonna give you the opposite of a previous thing I just told you. Make this hornier.

Spade Slick: Now, all I’m saying is that the danger of a situation is usually so very correlated. The excitement, and I think we’ve all seen something long, thick, gleaming in its black shape and we thought, oh, to ease it up there, oh, uncomfortable. Uncomfortable, yes. But with just a little shift further down you go, and with every little emotion, you’ll drive it further up. Therian, you know that the wrong motion could spell the end, not only of this lovely night to yourself, but so much more of an end. But isn’t that the delight? Isn’t that the wonder? Oh, and if you are lucky. If you are lucky and you light the feud, it’s just the right moment. All seven of those tennis balls up into you to give you the beautiful child of Roger Federer that you always knew you wanted.

Zooey: This one goes out to all Avi position enthusiasts.

Brass: Yeah, Tara, turn this into a nature documentary.

Tarro: Look, the way the cannon naturally positions itself in front of a mate, it fills balls. One after the other, while the opposing cannon roaches down and readies itself see the connection. The moment, the spark, and then just like that, it’s over. The mating process is completed. The other cannon now possesses the balls and it will incubate inside that cannon for four to five months, until eventually the miracle of life will occur, and those tennis balls were turned into canons of their own.

Marvelous.

Brass: And Zooey

bring us home by making it a crummy fan fiction

Zooey: And then a third cannon appeared this time black hair, with bright red streaks. The long, thick trench coat pectin. Golden buckles a sword the size of an elephant’s trunk. I am the main character. I am the son of God, any God you may pick. And I am here to deposit my tennis balls into whomever I please, or this cannon, this shadowy cannon was the most dominant and sigma of all cannons on the sexual marketplace. That’s not very much a fan fiction trope, I think, but I’m running with it.

Tarro: What you don’t understand is that the main characters actually know mega and all the other canons are betas. And so the canons actually enter a heat state where the omega canon is actually forcefully enticed to breed with them. ‘cause they’re just like, I was emitting a pheromone.

And then everyone’s pregnant at the end.

Spade Slick: That’s true. I Once again, I forfeit my points,

Tarro: You’re, I’m building off of you. You built the tower. I’m just climbing it.

Zooey: but I to build the church is one thing. To be Michelangelo and painted is another matter entirely.

Brass: And our last prompt of this batch spade, why are you oozing with your ibuprofen on the hologram?

Spade Slick: The year was 25, 26. I hadn’t gone outside since probably March. It’s June now, so only a short time to be inside these days. Smog is thick out there The hell hover trains heading overhead, or the cars whiz past the neon Links from the local mega scrappers deadly out there. Entire popula stays in these days. I sat down on my little cut. It was a big room. I was in almost 30 feet square where I could afford with my new job as a techno hacker, R down the ice, or the big mega corps. But that was about back in the night. This is the daytime, my off time when all the copos go to work and I get to sit at home with my hologram, oozing all over it.

Brass: Taro, Yeah.

turn this into a pharmaceutical ad for ibuprofen.

Tarro: They always said autism was a superpower, That’s Tylenol.

After Tylenol turned everyone autistic ibuprofen realized they needed to step up their game, and so they released Ibuprofen. Plus, not only does it give you autism, it gives you super autism. So if you’re a future tech hacker who’s trying to break into mega corporations, one hit of this, and you’ll be special interested in whatever it is that you choose.

You’ll spend every day and night thinking about how to hack and, uh, maybe forget how to have social interactions. But other than that, you’ll be so good at hacking now half price for, uh, this special offer.

Brass: Zooey,

one of the people who have taken Ibuprofen plus and now have super autism with a hyper fixation on oozing on the hologram.

Zooey: Side effects may include more time spent on specific articles online, more time spent on specific Reddit columns. More time spent on three or four hour long viewed YouTube video documentaries on a specific topic, in this case being hacking larger penis.

Tarro: Ooh, that one’s pretty good.

Zooey: Yes.

Brass: I will say you are just continuing tarros prompt as opposed to what I said.

Tarro: You know what? You might built the church, but she’s painting Michelangelo or whatever.

Zooey: Thank you. Thank you. In that case, may I give the prompt one more time?

Brass: I said Continue as the patient who has taken Ibuprofen plus and now has super autism

and has a special interest in oozing on a hologram.

Zooey: I have taken so much ibuprofen at this point that I’m no longer attached to my body. I have become the machine I have become to understand the machine, and in turn, the machine has come to understand me as I become an ooze and filter into the motherboard. Flowing in between the creeks and cracks of the various pieces of technology that I’ve bound myself to.

I feel myself becoming part of the circuitry. And as such, I flow from ethernet cable to ethernet cable through the wires and into the very fabric of the mainframe, of the CPO’s hyper cock sized skyscraper. And let’s just say after tonight with what I’ve learned and the amount of ibuprofen I’ve taken, the elevators are not going to work as efficiently as the elevator designer had designed

Tarro: I love the idea that this hacker is trying so hard just to make the elevators not work as well.

Spade Slick: I say this is less a joke and more just body goals for half the people I know.

Zooey: Indeed.

Brass: as one of the corporate workers now stuck in an

Spade Slick: Oh,

again, you’d think that the Copo world relief gives some stability being one of the Sixers up on floor 78,000. You at least in the over city there, not down the under city. You’d think that the security of that job. Give you something to hang your hat on, to go home at night to your legally sanctioned wife and kids. yet again, the hackers, the God hackers always in the system, breaking through the ice, left right, and the center with their hyper sledge hammers their obsession with these elevators, up and down. Do you know how many times I’ve been going up and down this day, I’m not gonna be able to make my quotas today. Oh, I just hope that I can, that that’s one of the 50 cameras that are around this goddamn elevator that can barely move for the cameras will finally be able to be seen by a single actual living person at one point in my goddamn month. And I’ll be let free, or at least not shot by the, not shot by the police squad when they come in here to, to kill me for disturbing the peace, for daring to report something outta line. I’m going back to the under city. I’m gonna become like some kind of cool graffiti tagger and ha went on the net, or whatever it is I fucking do in this world.

Brass: Are you ready for more mad Libs?

Tarro: Oh my gosh.

I don’t know if I can answer that question.

Is this the first mad one?

Brass: No. I, as in, we finished that batch and I’m now requesting more words to enter into the prompts.

Tarro: I am so scared.

Brass: Tara, give me the name of a celebrity

Tarro: Katie Perry.

Brass: and Zooey. Give me a job. I.

Zooey: Tax collector.

Brass: And spade. A place

Spade Slick: the Zooier Than Thou recording studio.

Tarro: Ooh.

Zooey: Hmm.

Brass: Taro

The name of an organization.

Tarro: Anonymous.

Brass: right,

zoo, and a verb ending in ING

Zooey: Docking

Tarro: I. spade, an animal, plural.

Now I could say Fox is I’m gonna say, uh, turtles

Brass: Ooh. Zoo adjective.

Zooey: dower.

Brass: And finally, spade a noun,

Talon.

Zooey: Ooh.

Tarro: before we start spade, can you just say Fox again?

Spade Slick: Fox.

Tarro: Oh God, you say it so good.

Zooey: Thank you very much for your contribution. I agree with that point.

Tarro: Yeah.

Brass: Taro, your prompt is I, Katie Perry. I’m running to become tax collector of Zoo recording studio.

Tarro: All right.

Hey guys, it’s me, Katie Perry, singer of that song Firework from 10 years ago. And I think also dating a Canadian politician now or something. And you know what? In Canada we all pay into socialized healthcare, which is a good thing. And you know what, I think the people that are in the Zoom recording studio could probably use some healthcare which is why I’m here auditioning to be the tax collector.

Spade Slick: I like this idea that the tax collector can decide where the money goes.

Tarro: Listen, it’s a woman’s world.

Zooey: You’re lucky to be living in it.

Brass: Zooey as a smear campaign ad.

Zooey: Let’s just say Katy Perry isn’t the only thing going up into space. Your tax rates are in danger of skyrocketing the astronomical heights. If you let this person into your zoo recording studio for which to collect your taxes, oh, the absolute money that you’re going to be spending, you’ll be out of pocket and unable to afford things like your trip to the doctor. Your student loans, your train ticket. These things will be utterly unaffordable if you let Katie Perry take control of your taxes, pay no mind to where the money is going ‘cause that’s not relevant. You personally will be needing to pay for all of these things as you have continuously been needing to pay for.

And higher taxes, like Katie Perry deems are certain. To absolutely make you spend more money this year. Vote for Lady Gaga.

Brass: Spade giving Lady Gagas as a campaign for this.

Spade Slick: Now listen darling, you don’t want no bad romance with Katy Perry when it comes to tax collecting. I’m the only woman you need. Now listen to me. Zoo TT recording studio. When it comes to that, what kind of person do you wanna see in there? The person with a mega bucks. The face of that capitalist gender.

Or do you want me, the person who isn’t afraid of what to wear of on stage, I will wear your merch on stage, I will wear the flag with absolute pride. The paparazzi will be all over me. And oh you’ll love where the money is gonna be going. It’s gonna be going into all the sparkle. It’s gonna be going into all the pizazz.

You know it. That’s why it should be me.

Brass: And Tarro,

You’re a voter who’s having to decide between the two of these candidates?

Tarro: Oh yeah. You know, I do like both options. I do like both options. I just feel like Katie Perry, she’s got a real head on our shoulders. She’s up with the politician. She’s been uh. To Space says Lady Gaga into space? I don’t think so. I think that’s an important part of a tax collector’s, uh, uh, resume.

But, uh, lady Gaga on the other hand, you know, she used to be a stripper, uh, and they make lots of money, so, Hmm, I could see this going either way.

Brass: Ooh, I, I do li like that. All right. Zoey your prompt. Don’t you know that anonymous is secretly docking fox into water and turning the turtle’s dour.

Zooey: I did, I did hear about that indeed. While,

Tarro: Really gone to shit.

Zooey: Obviously once you put turtles, I want to say clore in the context of a Fox’s sheath, while the docking is rather emasculating and very few things make one feel more dour than an emasculated, ika bearing turtle, dare I say, even tortoise. And let’s not even take into consideration the sheer amount of fluids that the fox is pumping into the waters with witch.

Are the turtles ohms? And what does anonymous have to do with all of this? Well, Let’s just say Guy Fox.

Spade Slick: Brilliant, brilliant. Bravo.

Brass: Spade as Alex Jones ranting about this on his show,

Spade Slick: You gotta believe me. You gotta believe me. Those foxes. Yeah. You think they’re uck, they’re duck. Every single one of them. You go outside, you see a fox. It’s fucking duck. I’m telling you. And it’s those liberals. It’s those liberals. They love those foxes. You’ve heard about them, right?

They, one these things called furry conventions. They big Fausty conventions. They’re wonderful, wonderful hotels near the rivers. Why are they near rivers? Because it’s near the water. It’s because it’s near the water, I’m telling you here. And so it’s near the water. That’s where you get the foxes in the water, ducking in the water with the turtles.

Now here’s the thing. There used to be this whole thing in the furry fandom, holding furry fandom between the foxes and the turtles. It was like furries versus scaly. But now they seem for made up. Nobody’s talking about them anymore. Why aren’t they talking about them anymore?

Why is no one talking about this fight between the furries and the sies anymore? I’m telling you, it’s a conspiracy. It’s a conspiracy. Head to head you. Head to head first, please. Please play my legal face.

Brass: Taro as a tired fact checker, disproving all of this.

Tarro: Oh my God. There’s another episode of this. Okay. Okay. Uh, let’s start at the beginning, I guess. Foxes in the furry fandom. Yeah, I, yeah, I guess that’s true. But turtles, I don’t see any turtles in the furry fandom. Uh, oh. There, there’s one guy with a suit, but I don’t really think that counts. Okay.

Our furry fandom meeting things normally near rivers. Well, I guess so. But also they’re in major cities uh, does that really count? Oh God. This is all such bullshit. Just let me go home. Someone take this guy off the error.

Brass: And Zooey

A conservative politician making this their primary campaign promise.

Zooey: I’ve seen it. I’ve seen it in schools. I’ve seen it in the churches. Dower Rivers flooded with Fox Come. The vision and scoring from the furry community to good, hardworking American tax paying scaly turtles. Turtles, we used to be superheroes. We used to, our turtles. Used to be in New York. Snacking on pizza Fighting crime. What are they doing these days? Somebody named me a famous turtle from pop culture. I can’t think of any other

Tarro: Franklin,

Zooey: Franklin

Franklin’s father, who is an older gentleman.

Tarro: over 18 to be super clear.

Zooey: Very just of age. Franklin’s father having docked too many foxes and is a lethargic, contributing nothing to the plot of this show. The vision show. I think I have, this is not a show I’ve seen, you know it, when you see it, you’ve seen it on Twitter X

Tarro: based off of what I’m seeing on Twitter right now, Franklin’s taking out Narco terrorists, so I really, I don’t know what’s happening with that

Brass: What.

Zooey: and that’s not what America needs unless it is for me.

Brass: Good way to talk like a politician

spade, dude, where’s my Talon?

Spade Slick: Dude, listen. I know. I had the brownie hour and a half ago, and I know that Nabu said not to take another brownie. I know that when I took another brownie an hour ago, that was a mistake, which is why I know it was an even bigger mistake to have the third brownie just five minutes ago. But I gotta tell you, they haven’t kicked in yet. All I wanna know, all I wanna know from you all I wanna know from you, dude, is where, and I’m looking at my feet right now and I can’t see where my fucking talent’s gone. I’m a ve losser out to dude. I’ve gotta have talent. How often I’m gonna hang on to.

Brass: Taro

This Velociraptor trip sitter who is trying to calm him down.

Tarro: Dude, dude, you’ve gotta relax. You have the one towel, you’ve got the three in the front, but then you have the one on the back. It’s right there. You just, you can’t tilt your head that way. Uh oh. No. Don’t try, don’t try. You’re gonna fall over. Just come on, come on. Just sit down. Let me get you some water.

I promise the talon is still there. Yeah, no, now I can see you looking. Yeah, it’s there. Relax. Don’t worry. Things are okay. You should not have had that third fucking brownie. That’s all I’m saying. But you know what? Here have the water bowl. Drink some water. Relax. Relax. Please don’t eat me. Relax.

Gonna be fine.

Brass: Zoo, The Velociraptor going for a fourth brownie.

Zooey: I, it just has not kicked in yet. I think you’re my friend. We know each

Tarro: Y Yeah. No, we do

Zooey: Yeah. Yeah. I’m so hungry.

Tarro: not. Yeah.

Zooey: Yeah. And it, there’s so many brownies on the table and they look

Tarro: listen, I know you’re a big creature, but you they’re kicking in, I promise.

Zooey: Yeah. No. Yeah. But I’m so hungry and.

There’s oh, there’s at least like 20 leftover on the plate enough for everybody. If I take three or four more

over the course of three hours, two hours.

Tarro: we can order a pizza. You don’t need another brownie.

Zooey: yeah. Yeah. Just when we wait for the pizza, I might not be hungry anymore. I think I already ate one. Just while you were

looking at your app. No, I mean, you were, you were looking through DoorDash and I just, I’ve had two already. You know what sounds really good right now?

Tarro: Don’t you fucking say aie?

Zooey: Pizza.

Brass: Spade, the Velociraptor once the pizza has arrived and after the two extra brownies have kicked in.

Spade Slick: All right. Hey, dude. hey, listen, there’s this thing here, it’s a circle, but it’s got cheese on it and there’s someone holding it and that they’re looking at me. Oh, funny. They’re they’re backing away or afraid like it might be because I’m a velociraptor. I gotta say I’m very hungry right about now, and right now, cheesy circle, scared person. I’m just I’m saying you should have let me eat the rest of those brownies.

Tarro: I am very excited for the 2027 release of the sequel to Cocaine Bear. Weed.

Velociraptor.

Zooey: Er, and I’m not

just talking about fossils

Brass: All right. On the batch four,

Hey, do you hear that clipping? Why That’s the club of a draft horse. Thank

you. Thank you. Honestly. Yeah I thought we were gonna add that in post, but honestly, yeah. You did good.

Zooey: I am already

Spade Slick: Thank you.

Zooey: myself.

Spade Slick: I get it from my husband.

Brass: No contestants. I am trying to write a ledger of complaint. Tara, who am I writing this to?

Tarro: Toggle.

Brass: All right, Toggle. And Zoey,

What is this complaint about?

Zooey: Dominoes

Brass: All right. You’re writing to Toggle or writing to Toggle to complain about dominoes. Spade, give me the first word of this letter,

Spade Slick: Why

Brass: Charles. Second word,

Tarro: Is

Brass: Zooey. Third word.

Zooey: this.

Brass: Continue in that order.

Tarro: damn

Zooey: Pizza

Spade Slick: So

Tarro: smelly.

Zooey: I

Spade Slick: really

Tarro: Really

Zooey: blame

Spade Slick: the

Tarro: Zooier,

Zooey: Then

Spade Slick: Thou

Tarro: Podcast.

Zooey: for

Tarro: Rats,

Zooey: specific

Spade Slick: Pizza.

Pizza

Tarro: is

Zooey: a

Spade Slick: Abomination

Tarro: and

Zooey: I.

Spade Slick: will

Tarro: Call

Spade Slick: President

Tarro: of

Spade Slick: free

Tarro: World

Zooey: soon

Spade Slick: and

Tarro: directly.

Zooey: you

Spade Slick: will. Face,

Zooey: consequences,

Spade Slick: Yes,

Tarro: Toggle,

Spade Slick: will

Tarro: explode.

Zooey: violently.

Tarro: Send

Zooey: Ps.

Brass: PS.

Zooey: Apologies

Spade Slick: for

Tarro: all

Spade Slick: my.

Tarro: words.

I really do feel like that’s most of the emails that the show gets.

Like every email you don’t hear is just that verbatim.

Zooey: I do feel as though we have somehow managed to maintain a higher standard, grammatically speaking. Barely

Brass: I do like that it was a letter to Toggle, complaining about dominoes, blaming the show and threatening to report them to world leaders to have them explode

Zooey: indeed.

Brass: and then apol.

Spade Slick: Listen, sometimes you get hangry like you’re just sitting there. You’ve had five brownies, you’re not feeling right on kilter.

Tarro: The

veer after ate their friend and is now just like halfway through, realizing what’s happened, but is writing an email instead of dealing with it.

Brass: Oh, it was it was a sequel. I see. I see.

Zooey: That’s and honestly I’m, I don’t want to cast dispersions, but I do believe Toggle was the one who baked the brownies.

Tarro: Uh, You know what? That does make sense.

Brass: Yeah. All right. Thank you for helping me dress this letter. Say goodbye to the draft horse. Everyone.

Tarro: Bye.

Brass: Back to our regularly scheduled programming. Taro. give me another plural noun for me.

Tarro: Races.

Brass: Races. Interesting. Zoey, a verb ending an ING

Zooey: Tasting

Brass: tasting Interesting race. Hold on, filling it in quick.

Tarro: Did you have like a book? Is this whole episode like you bought a mad lip book and you’re trying to figure out what to do with it?

Spade Slick: This costs.

Brass: No, No. Uh, we did of course create it in the style of Mad Libs. However, we did individually think up every single one of these prompts with like words in them and then just took words out for you to put back in.

Spade Slick: Oh, exciting. Do we get a phrase, if we guess the original words?

Brass: Honestly, I don’t even remember the original words,

Tarro: brass. If Tolo is paying you $4 to host this episode so you can get the money back for your Madlib book, you can just tell us this is a safe space,

Brass: I people get paid? Spade. Give me an adverb.

Spade Slick: Wardly?

Brass: What?

Tarro: wardly.

Zooey: Like

Spade Slick: let. an adverb

Brass: All right. Taro

an appliance?

Tarro: An appliance.

Brass: Yes.

Tarro: I’m gonna go with a blender.

Brass: And zooey. A verb ending in ING.

Zooey: allocating.

Brass: And finally, spade. A noun

Spade Slick: Lamp oil

Brass: lamp oil.

Spade Slick: lamp. Oil

Tarro: Why do you guys hate yourselves and us so much?

Brass: Taro,

Tarro: Why do I have to start

Brass: because that’s the order we’ve already set

Spade Slick: brass is always correct.

Brass: taro. Your prompt is Breaking news races are tasting ly.

Tarro: Alright. Breaking news, the new tasting competition is off. Contestants are racing to taste the most things, however, this year there’s a twist because they can’t just taste things normally. No, they have to do it slow. They have to do it sultry. They need to appreciate the taste. This is not a race of speed friends, this is a race of precision.

Each different thing they are tasting they will then need to report on and give every ingredient in that thing, like some kind of strange task, master task. They are relaxed, they are appreciating the races are off.

Brass: As an NPR report,

Zooey: Today, Sunday, seven 40 port am the news.

Brass: could you speak up a little bit?

Zooey: Yes. I’m trying to do an NPR voice, which means attempting to be quieter, and I’m now, I was seeing the issue within

Brass: Yeah.

Zooey: So chilies and pies spread out for everybody to taste. Some are spicy, some are fruity. Hopefully the chilies are the spicy ones and the pies are the fruity ones. But who knows? You’ll need to taste these ly. Today we are joined with special taste tester, Gordon Ramsey, known for his work in kitchens.

Brass: Sped, you’re, you are Gordon Ramsey.

Spade Slick: Yes. Yeah. Thank you very much for coming here. Yes. So I have been hosting a lot of these, Places for a while now. I actually know a couple of the contestants from when I abused them verbally on, on my on my show. I have to say. It was a it, it was a very fun time, honestly.

They were wonderful people, but, they an image to uphold. And so obviously I I threw bread at them. I I shouted at them. I’m pretty sure I poisoned one of them after they fed me a lemon, which was not quite risen. So y yeah, so let’s see how all the fruity chilies and the spicy pies do today.

Brass: Taro, A TMZ reporter.

Tarro: Shocking. The new hit show where contestants are tasting food, wardly, maybe a little too languagey. We’ve got insider report that the producer of the show has been coming in. All of the dishes, the contestants are tasting every single one just whacking it into them right before the judge’s taste.

Oh, we just got an update. It’s confirmed. Gordon Ramsey has eaten the cu he has tasted.

Spade Slick: Ah, yes, the consistency is, quite something.

Brass: Good job. Good job.

Zooey: oh.

Brass: Is your blender allocating

Zooey: resources. Can’t live with them. Can’t live without ‘em. But what happens when your resources are not properly stored into their proper spaces, put in the correct locations. Why? I have too many compartments. I have too many shelves, and I simply cannot figure out for the life of me where all of my resources end up. I would like to introduce the blender, put all those resources together, make ‘em into a fine bull. Stick them wherever you please. Anything you’re looking for, you’ll find with ease.

Spade Slick: Oh, well done.

Tarro: That was good. That was really good.

Brass: spade as a very high energy infomercial?

Spade Slick: Is your blender allocating? Have we got the solution to you? Because blenders across the country are allocating faster than we can have them. But now here’s the problem. How do you get those things out again? They’ve got all done fine slurry. Whatever you need is in there, but how do you get it out?

That’s why we need the UN blender. Once the blender has done allocating, you can allocate it back into its component form. All you need to do is take this UN blender, pull the so slowly from the first blender into the second, and it will run in rivers, returning things into their component resource just as you need.

Buy now, only 3 99, the same price as a Madlibs book.

Brass: Spade your prompt. Who parked their car on my lamp oil.

Spade Slick: I had so much lamp foil. I was I, I I was saving it. I mean that, that thing appreciates like no one’s business. And I had it here in this nice little box. I just left on the street. I turned around to go into the house. I was coming back to get it and someone’s just parked that their car on it.

And it’s it’s like it’s leaking everywhere. Like the entire box that the is shattered. It’s broken. Why would you just. Can’t you just, can’t you see the big text of lamp

Brass: Taro as the person who parked the car on the lamp oil.

Tarro: Hey babe. Check out that small Victorian child crying over that lamp oil that we just hit. What a loser.

Brass: Fair enough.

Spade Slick: move your car?

Brass: as the Victorian constable who is investigating the crime.

Zooey: I would like to apologize in advance to speeds for the accent that will be coming out of my muzzle

Spade Slick: Oh I’m looking forward to this.

Zooey: white blokes. We got a 6 21 out on the street. Seems like some poor, so Scott is lamp boy Puck and it’s a mighty gross, big lorry. On top of it, it’s two scheming fellows in the front seat, laughing, we’re gonna write him up 20 quid, maybe even several pounds.

Tarro: Lori, we don’t have any of that gay shit in America.

Brass: There he’s spade, The judge sentencing taros character for the crime of parking on the lamp oil.

Spade Slick: All rise please. Honorable Judge, judge Presiding In the case of the small Victorian child versus the generic American villain, this court finds in favor of small, Victorian child.

generic American villain is ordered to repay the sum of 20 British pound Sterling’s worth of lamp oil to the small Victorian child, and also to give him a hug because his teary eyes are quite honestly, very distressing.

And I think we all need a good hug at this time. We, all of the court, everyone hug the person to your right. Thank you very much.

Tarro: 20 pounds. What is that? Five bucks. Here you go, kid. And then you drive away.

Spade Slick: In the car, in the.

Tarro: Yeah, course.

Zooey: The American doesn’t know that you can just walk around. You we drive everywhere. now Taro,

Brass: give me an event.

Tarro: A birthday.

Brass: Oh, so just for the sake of this, the prompted sin. Whose birthday is it?

Tarro: It’s your birthday. Woo.

Brass: Okay. a group.

Zooey: A pack of Huns

Brass: All right,

Zooey: is any pack of

assorted hun? Yes.

dachshunds,

Brass: spade Hello. An activity,

Spade Slick: Blowing out candles.

Brass: taro, an adjective,

Tarro: Oh God. Why am I struggling with an adjective?

Brass: a describing word.

Tarro: No, I know. Damp.

Brass: It. All right. Damp zoo, a noun.

Zooey: Tortilla

Brass: And finally, spade, a verb ending in ING

Spade Slick: Destroying.

Brass: taro

This one time at my birthday, if brass being me.

Tarro: I did know that. Yep.

Zooey: happy birthday.

Brass: Your prompt is this one time at brass birthday.

Tarro: that’s it.

Brass: Dot, dot, Dot.

Tarro: man, I remember I was at brass birthday a couple years back. Oh, the party that that guy throws. well see the thing about brass is he’s a robot, you know? And so his house is shaped like a computer lab and like a sci-fi movie. And, uh, of course you were having some drinks as you do it like a birthday party.

And, uh, I was wandering around and pressing some buttons and, uh, wouldn’t, you know, it brass has a button in his house that destroys the planet. Which was really, really a shocker for me. ‘cause it wasn’t labeled or anything. I was just pressing it. And then his whole house took off and went to space.

And, uh, yeah, that’s how, uh, that’s how we colonized Mars. that’s just how it happened.

Brass: As me trying to stop taro from pressing the destroy the earth button,

Zooey: Hey we’re gonna be playing pin the tail on the Oh, don’t no. Don’t touch that button here.

Tarro: This button

Zooey: No, no,

no. Here, come over. We gotta, we got

Tarro: But like, this button looks really pressable.

Zooey: that, that button is I, I I just was pre uh, I had that just for uh, my mom gave it to me.

Tarro: Oh your, your mom gave you a button, like on your, on, in your

Zooey: in, yeah. We set up the code, the wiring mother’s Day gift.

Tarro: I think I’m gonna press the button

Zooey: no. I, we were just saving that for a specific special occasion. Just, uh.

Tarro: like your birthday.

Zooey: Maybe like a more like round number. I am not gonna guess brass age on but for the sake of the joke, it is a prime number. We were just waiting for a non-prime number day,

Tarro: Oh, okay. Because brass is turning. ‘cause brass is turning 76,

which isn’t a prime number, which

means I can press it.

Zooey: No. Like I want it to be divisible by at least seven numbers.

Tarro: But divisible, hold on, let me do the math. No, I’m pretty sure that’s divisible by seven numbers.

Brass: No, I’m stopping. I’m stopping this here spade as my mother for some reason, giving me a button that will destroy the world.

Spade Slick: Now, honey, I know you are old enough now that I’m sure you’ve heard all about the robot uprising. And I know all your friends at school are saying, oh, I’ve been doing the robot uprising for two years now. I know, but I have to say all those kids, they’re just trying to seem cool.

They’re just trying to seem cool. when it comes to a real robotic rebellion, a real sort of, the destruction of the organics in this world. And really, you need that. You want that to be special. You want that to be something that’s very important to you. And also you want it to be very destructive, very fatal, and very final.

So there’s no way for them to stop us. Um, so that’s why I wired this button, which destroys the entire world just for you. Now, I wanna know. If you are not feeling ready for pressing it just yet, it’s absolutely fine. But I just thought that when you are ready, when you find that special birthday or that special reason to destroy the all of organic life in the solar system, then it’s there for you and I I know that you’ll make the right decision. Oh I, I love you, honey.

Tarro: Oh,

Brass: Taro as a random una unaffiliated person during the last moments on Earth.

Tarro: Am I at the party or am I not

Brass: No, you’re completely un you’re completely uninvolved in any of this.

Tarro: Okay. Oh man. Another early shift. Turn off the alarm. Get up. Brush the teeth. Have some breakfast. Open the door. Head outside. Why is everything, uh, cracked? I don’t think the ground’s supposed to be crow. What is that shaking? Uh, what, what is going on? Why why is there explosions everywhere?

Oh, God. I don’t know. Is this fallout? Is this fallout?

Brass: Very good. Very good.

Tarro: thanks.

Brass: As soon as you said it destroyed the world, I knew I was gonna have to make you be just some random ass person.

Tarro: That’s fair.

Brass: Zooey.

You heard it here first. A pack of dash ones are your blowing out candles, champions? How did this happen?

Zooey: Well, you know, You’ve seen Siberian Huskies. They definitely got more body to a more body means more lung power. And you’ve honestly, there’s been full humans out there. I’m talking the Dover Diabolical Devils Interstate Championship since 2017 with the bow candles. But these dachshunds man. I’m telling you, they’ve been training.

They’ve had a regiment every day from sun up to sundown with only one pause in between to actually eat the darn cake. practice makes perfect. And if you told me a year ago that six separate dachshunds got together and out competed the Dover Diabolical Devils in the 2026 Interstate candle blowing out competition, while I would’ve just said they practiced.

Brass: Spade as one of the Dex ones who is practicing blowing out candles for the competition.

Spade Slick: So here’s the thing. When the cake arrives, we all know our platters, right? Okay. When the cake arrives, we circle round. Now there are nine of us, which means if there are, if any, fewer than 10 candles, we’ve got it sorted. So remember, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. Those are our numbers. We get round. I’ll go to the first candle.

You second you third, et cetera. You know that we we circle round, and then on 3, 1, 2, 3, all blood simultaneously. Remember, it is the unison. There is more to this competition than just the speed. It is the unison. It is the technique, it is the style, it is the control, and it is the damage, the blowing out all the candles if we do it all one quick blow. It’ll be perfect and amazing. We are going to win this, everyone. All right. Pause in.

Tarro: But boss, what if there’s 11 candles?

Spade Slick: God dammit. Jimmy we can’t have these complications at this stage of the game. We’ve gotta hope and pray that that’s not something that’ll come up.

Brass: taro as Jimmy the Dex Fund needing to blow out an extra two candles to win the big championship.

Tarro: Oh my God. I asked about this. I thought we were prepared. I thought we were ready. Oh my God. Two candles. Ugh. Two. And then we’re counting one, two. My God. Which candle do I blow first? Do I blow out the left one? Do I blow out the right one? Oh my God, there’s an audience. Everyone’s watching me. This is my moment.

No, this is your moment, Jimmy. You’ve gotta believe in yourself. You gotta believe in yourself. Just count to three and

Brass: Zooey What? All of this Talking from ducks hun. Sounds like to people who don’t understand. Dog. Very good.

Tarro: Breast making zoo do freaking puppy play on the podcast. That’s crazy.

Brass: Look, it had to happen eventually.

Zooey: I’m surprised it hasn’t.

Tarro: That’s true. Honestly,

Brass: Spade,

your prompt is, I had a nightmare about a damp tortilla destroying me.

Spade Slick: Hey. Hey, babe. I’m sorry, Were you asleep? I just need to tell you it was. It was, listen, it, it was like a nightmare of, it was this great big folded, okay, so I know this is gonna sound weird, but it looked like a tortilla. But I knew in my head that it was like a dolphin.

Like, You know how I’ll like in, in a dream where it’s like one but the other, but like, yeah. Tortilla. So like, I, I maybe it was like, it was dripping. It was actually dripping wet and it was, I, it was destroy. It was destroying me. I got say, oh no not like that.

No. I, I, I, I, I was absolutely fine. No, it was railing me super hard.

Tarro: Yep.

Brass: Spade’s partner who is being told this.

Tarro: Honey, I, you all right? Listen, promise me you won’t be mad.

Spade Slick: Okay.

Tarro: Okay. So I might have formed an eternal pact with an evil demon dolphin, who really just wants to rail people in their sleep in the hopes that it was going to come for me and my dreams.

Spade Slick: you, you, You formed a pact with an evil dolphin

demon.

Tarro: like you seen dolphins before. They’ve got like prehensile dicks. I

Spade Slick: I, I, I feel like I should have been

like

Tarro: but babe it’s just in dream. It’s not cheating. It’s in dreams

and like the tortilla thing.

Brass: Zooey as the evil tortilla dolphin and demon popping into make itself known and, address this situation.

Zooey: Hey, you two. So it seems it’s a bit of strife, a little bit of a conversation. I just wanted to make it clear. Partner number two, the reason why I visited partner number one’s dream is because that you were making this pact and dreams alone, but your partner number one, obviously wanted to be included. Now, I know there’s been talk of cheating going around, but I want you two to come together. It doesn’t need to be cheating if we can get into a polyamorous relationship. Now, the reason why I brought this tortilla is because my Prehensile cock shoots at such high velocity. It is most likely to rupture your organs.

So you can fold up this tortilla, get it a little wet, and stimulate the sensation without any of the danger. That’s just for you two.

Tarro: Babe,

Spade Slick: Yeah,

Tarro: do you wanna cook me with the Demon Dolphin

Spade Slick: you’d never ask.

Brass: . All right, spade, the doctor at the maternity ward, seeing the abomination that came out of this.

Spade Slick: Mr. And Mrs. Demon. Sumner I have to say this is quite unusual. so

Tarro: the baby okay?

Spade Slick: Look, oh the baby is, as far as we can tell. Absolutely fine. And as it we get a lot of people in here, a lot of, a lot of usual human babies. And I’m not really supposed to say this, get a few sort of human dog hybrids.

I know. Is that I feel like I can tell you now because what, what happened here is a bit odd. have you ever had a seafood burrito?

Tarro: Oh my God, yes.

Spade Slick: I, I Want you to imagine one of those that’s been left out in the rain. Now I know that’s what most babies look like when they come outta people. This one has become a little bit more literal, but I can tell you that it is unfortunately alive and usually we do a lot of sort of postnatal tests and make sure that the baby is healthy and alive.

But in this event, you were the thing, we want you to leave the hospital as quickly as possible and preferably to a undisclosed government facility. So if you could leave with these big men in black, thank you very much.

Tarro: In my head Cannon for the scenario. By the way, the demon dolphin reg, the husband.

Brass: hell Yeah.

Zooey: Yeah. I think we all assumed that.

Tarro: I just wanted to make it clear for everyone. Yeah.

Brass: yeah. I’m I’m giving all of you maximum points for that one.

Spade Slick: Oh, yay.

Brass: Oh, but what’s that, Winnie in the distance? why it’s yet another draft horse.

Tarro: My turn, My turn, my turn.

No, no, no, no, no. To be with the draft choice. You can make the

noise last time. Uh, zoo got to do it so

Brass: We will give them a moment. Zoey,

Zooey: Yes, I’m a

lady. I

can wait.

Brass: I’m trying to write a thank you letter. Who am I.

writing to?

Zooey: Celine.

Brass: And spade, why am I thinking Celine Dion?

Spade Slick: For the article, she’s written to Zoo Pub.

Brass: Tara, you know how to take it from here.

Tarro: All right, dear

Zooey: Mrs.

Spade Slick: Celine,

Tarro: Dion,

Zooey: First

Spade Slick: I

Tarro: want

Zooey: two

Tarro: you

Zooey: that

Spade Slick: I

Tarro: have

Zooey: loved

Spade Slick: every

Tarro: single,

Zooey: descriptive

Spade Slick: and

Zooey: depiction

Spade Slick: that

Tarro: you?

Zooey: have,

Spade Slick: given

Tarro: Us

Zooey: and

Tarro: regret

Zooey: two,

Spade Slick: inform

Tarro: you,

Zooey: that.

Spade Slick: you.

Tarro: Have

Zooey: Caused

Spade Slick: At

Tarro: our,

Zooey: establishment

Spade Slick: five

Tarro: Pregnancies

Zooey: now

Spade Slick: you

Tarro: will not

Spade Slick: be

Tarro: allowed

Zooey: to

Spade Slick: Visit

Tarro: our

Zooey: maternity

Tarro: because.

Zooey: the

Spade Slick: Seafood.

Zooey: baby,

Spade Slick: Still

Tarro: O

Zooey: the

Spade Slick: main.

Zooey: however.

That,

Spade Slick: we

Tarro: have

Spade Slick: many

Tarro: generous

Zooey: pregnancies

Spade Slick: over

Tarro: the

such,

Zooey: as

Spade Slick: the

Tarro: x

Zooey: Prime

Spade Slick: minister.

Tarro: Justin,

Zooey: Trudeau.

Tarro: that was a Canada quiz for you there.

Spade Slick: Has

Tarro: Filed

Zooey: A

Spade Slick: noise,

Tarro: complaint

Zooey: do.

Spade Slick: you,

Tarro: except.

Spade Slick: Consequences,

actions.

Tarro: And

Zooey: furthermore,

Spade Slick: Thank

Tarro: you

Zooey: four

Spade Slick: our.

Tarro: newborns.

Zooey: signed.

Spade Slick: Everyone.

Tarro: Yeah.

Brass: So, okay so let me get this straight. Uh, Z is collecting pregnancies from Celine Dion. Trust in

Trudeau has written to complain about the noise.

Zooey: in my head, I had it in my head that Celine Dion had inspired the pregnancies

Spade Slick: yeah, yeah, yeah. yeah. yeah. yeah. Articles were and the noise complaint The the demon dolphin that was summoned was actually by playing a Celine Dion song Backwards

Zooey: Indeed, My heart will go on

Spade Slick: This is why people listen to Zoo TT for wonderful information

like this.

Brass: all this highbrow humor,

Tarro: to all the dolphin lovers out there. You’re welcome.

Zooey: for legal purposes, all of this is actually true about these celebrities.

Brass: All right

Spade Slick: all I’m going to say is that you don’t know, like my main persona

Tarro: Are you dolphin Fucker 69.

Zooey: 69. How tall are you?

Brass: Okay. Goodbye draft horse.

Tarro: Thanks for the good time.

Brass: Uh, Taro

a verb, ending an ING please.

Tarro: Sledding,

Brass: Slutting. Oh sledding,

Spade Slick: oh, very good.

Brass: Are you saying Slutting with Ts or sledding with

ds. Okay.

Spade Slick: Oh. Like you.

Brass: Slutting. And I was like, what

Tarro: Let’s do sledding. Let’s do that.

Zooey: yeah. We’ll stay on brand.

Brass: a medical condition

Zooey: Sprained ankle?

Brass: and spade, a positive noun or verb.

Spade Slick: Anniversary.

Brass: right. I do that you’re so fast all the time, and the one time you had to come with a positive verb, that was the one that gave you the most trouble. I think that speaks to your character.

Spade Slick: Listen, find one story I’ve written where things end well for the protagonist.

Tarro: There’s orgasms. Does that count?

Spade Slick: Someone has an orgasm.

Zooey: Into subjective,

Brass: Taro

Tarro: Yep.

Brass: a title

As in an honorific

Tarro: Oh, okay. Baroness,

Zooey: Ooh,

Brass: and Zoey, a verb ending in ING.

Zooey: penetrating.

Brass: All right. Now we’ve somehow gone to the point where Spade, your prompt is, I asked my doctor about Slutting and they said,

Spade Slick: I asked my doctor about Slutting and they said, you go get it, girl. You just walk out there, you serve that cunt. You go out there in your crop, top in your high heels, in your short shorts, and you just slut it up down that whole street like it was a catwalk. And I’m telling you, when you get that guy in bed, make sure to always wrap up.

Use a condom. Always ask them their sexual history and make sure every two months gets a fresh STA check just in case.

Brass: taro

Tarro: That’s a good doctor.

Brass: the doctor saying all this.

Tarro: That’s what just happened.

Brass: No, this was the patient saying what the doctor said. You are the Doctor

Tarro: Oh, okay. All right. Listen, if you wanna live that kind of sexually active lifestyle, you can, I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it. But if you’re going to use protection, have you looked into prep prep’s? Really good. Otherwise, you know, just make sure you’re keeping yourself safe. Don’t do anything that might cause harm.

But yeah, I guess if you want to feel free.

Brass: Zooey. Make it a medical drama.

Zooey: Slutting up and down the street. I’ve done it my few times in my days as a doctor. All of these men and women and everyone in between see the uniform, see the stethoscope, and they say, Ooh, I know where you can put that. Do they know? Honestly, you have to be pregnant for me to hear a heartbeat down there, but I put it on your stomach anyway. But then I met her. The Sluttiest slut that ever Slutted. She was also md practicing doctor. She gave a lot of the advice that I’ve heard over the day is wrap it up, look into prep, ask about their sexual history. But she took it a step further. She invented male pregnancy.

She invented It.

Brass: Spade. We’re keeping it a medical drama, but it’s House MD now.

Spade Slick: my God, she, she’s getting a car. Cardiac arrest quick. Get hurt later. No, you are stupid. You are terrible. That’s not what she needs. Listen, she got this by studying. The only way out of this is by studying. I need everybody stripped down. I need bras. I need panties. Me. I’ll only have the cane and you know exactly where it’s gonna be positioned. And listen, when we do the full Monty routine, I want it to be exact and I am going to kill every single one of you if you do not make this exact. This is what the patient needs. People

Brass: House, this is highly against regulations.

Spade Slick: My doctor said I need to do at least three things against regulations every day. And you know what? I am my doctor. So I think I know best now if you don’t do, as I say, I’m going to forget my character and go straight back to what I was doing, a little bit of Fry and Laurie.

Brass: taro. If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with a sprained ankle, you may be entitled to an anniversary.

Tarro: Hey, Zooey, how’s your ankle doing?

Zooey: sprained.

Tarro: Sprained. Oh no. Does that mean that we can go and get fancy dinner?

Zooey: As long as they have chairs, I think we’ll be fine.

Tarro: Okay. Just ‘cause if your ankle’s sprained, I guess that means you can’t go to work. So I thought maybe we could just go and, get dinner instead.

Zooey: Oh yeah. That’s what my doctor was saying. if I go to Work at Zooier, the Now podcast, it’s a recording. If I go and do my lines and such, then I might further sprain. parts outside of my ankle.

Tarro: and then maybe after dinner. Do you wanna go to Mexico?

Zooey: Oh, yes.

Tarro: I just, because you’ve got the sprained ankle and all, I just feel like Mexico might help.

Zooey: I’ve heard a lot of treatments down in

Tarro: I guess I’ll,

I was thinking maybe we could go to a five star resort

Zooey: Mm-hmm.

Tarro: kick your feet up at the beach and,

Zooey: keep, you have to keep your paws elevated. That’s what I

Tarro: Yeah.

Because your ankle’s just so sprained, there’s no way we can work right now. We just have to go to Mexico.

Zooey: indeed.

Tarro: anniversary after all.

Zooey: Yeah. That’s, you know a lot more about medical situations than I do. I’ll take your word for it. Yes. You’ve gotten the tickets already in

the, passport. Yeah.

Tarro: Oh, yeah. No.

no. I already, when I pushed you down the stairs, I bought them.

Zooey: you’re

so forwarding.

Brass: Zooey, the moment you got pushed down the stairs.

Zooey: I fathom love.

Brass: Zooey. I was gonna give you something else, but now show us the moment you got pushed down the stairs.

Zooey: Darling, I’m off to ZTT. office is to do my lens for the, oh, you always give me such warm hugs and around the from behind. Ah. Oh. Ah. I definitely landed on my ankle.

Tarro: I love the idea of you falling down the stairs, rolling head over head, then landing, striking a sexy pose. ‘cause that’s just the energy you give, but your ankles just like bent the wrong way.

Zooey: Oh no, the hip just bends like that because I wanted to show off my assets. The sprained ankle is the real thing we need to worry about.

Tarro: Yeah, you’re locked in. You’ve got like the sexy face going on.

Brass: SP Toggle having to review this time off request over yet another sprained ankle.

Tarro: Toggles like an you gotta, you gotta go.

Spade Slick: I can’t work with these fucking

Zooey: They all have four legs. That’s twice as many ankles.

Spade Slick: I mean, they’re, They’re probably already at the resort that were booked. Hang on. Hang on. Hello? Is that Tiana? Hello? Is that the five star hotel? Tiana, can you put Tara one please?

Tarro: Hi, I know where you and Zooey are.

No, this is, you called my cell phone. That’s my cell phone. You called?

Spade Slick: And the fact that it’s the hotel’s phone that is in your Paul right now,

Tarro: we share a phone number. That’s how that works.

Spade Slick: That’s very good. All I’ve got to say is that I think you forget that recording is mostly done online these days,

Zooey: Hey,

The tour guide for the long distance Uphill Mountain Hiking Tour?

Tarro: Yeah. No. Yes. That’s, oh my God. Sorry. The receptions really bad here in my house

Spade Slick: Is it Har Tarro, Tara? tell. Tell Zoey one thing only and that’s that when they get back in the office, can they tell Toggle that. Spade slick is very sorry for this impression. They are very bad at it. Thank you very much. I will s see on Monday. Monday

Tarro: Yeah, no, that’s definitely when our flight is for sure. Bye bye.

Brass: I like how, I, like how you just gave up on being Toggle eventually, and

Spade Slick: I was prepared for very few things for this game show. doing an impression of Toggle was not one of them.

Brass: Taro that Monday.

Tarro: that Monday. Oh, I’m still in Mexico.

Brass: else. You’re just, you’re still in Mexico.

Tarro: I listen, I’m paragliding, my ankle’s broken. I just can’t come into work. I don’t know what to tell you.

Zoo pushed me down the stairs.

Brass: had to put you down the stairs now to get more time off.

Tarro: Yeah. Listen, I did not make a sexy pose at the bottom, but the time off still counts.

Brass: All right, then we will move on to the next

Spade Slick: There’s, There’s, There’s a Zoo Pub article. Why I can’t write articles anymore. Bracket. I sprained my ankle. Sorry.

Tarro: Holy shit. I need to write that.

Zooey: Beautiful.

Brass: This is a story y’all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down. So lemme take a minute. Just sit right, therian I’ll, I’ll tell the bareness of.

Zooey: In West Philadelphia, born and raised, and my fiefdom is where I spent most of my days when all of my servants. They were up to no good. Tried to start an orgy in my neighborhood. I had one little thrust and my mom got scared. She said, I’m going to teach you how to properly be penetrated and to do so, you’re going to have to be barrenness of elsewhere.

Spade Slick: Well done.

Tarro: That was well done.

Brass: Oh yeah, spade. Give me the next verse.

Spade Slick: I hope this will not be the case.

Tarro: I don’t even know what song they’re referencing, so if it gets to

around three, I’m fucked.

Brass: Prince of Bel Air.

Tarro: I don’t even know what that is.

Spade Slick: I pulled up to the castle about seven or eight, and I yelled Your hole, penetrate you. Later. I looked at my thief and I was finally there to sit on my throne. I was the king of ch of the cock chair.

Zooey: Ooh.

Brass: Taro,

Tarro: S don’t fucking do it to me. I

Brass: one of the peasants overhearing all of this. I.

Tarro: Oh, okay. You know, ever since our, uh, Barrons took up that rap career, there certainly has been a lot more penetrating going on. Not that I’m complaining necessarily. Mind you, I just feel like it’s getting really hard to get her work done with all the time that she’s spending, uh, with this fancy wrapping career and all the penetrating that she’s doing, and she wants us to make the lube and bring the toys. Yeah, I just, ugh. Whatever happened to just cooking dinner, whatever just happened to sweeping the foyer. I just feel like Baroness of penetrating, it doesn’t even like sound that impressive. It’s so hard to say. Oh, it’s that. Oh that. No ma’am. Ma’am. We love the penetrating look here. My rear, it’s presented.

Brass: It from there.

Zooey: An interesting specimen. I, here, let me lift up this garment. Hmm. Yes. You have been thoroughly penetrated before. Oftentimes That’s

Tarro: Ah, yeah. Yes, my lady.

Zooey: And I see by the size of your gap, you are a frequent, uh, patron to the stables.

Tarro: of course, of course, of course.

As you decree.

Zooey: Hmm. Yes. And you’ve, your whole has kissed a fair share of medial rings.

Tarro: Oh, yes, yes, yes. I am your most loyal servant, my lady.

Zooey: All righty. I’m going to take you up to the chambers and we are going to, uh, engage in a bit of toy play, but rest assured the hot, warm thing will be a part of your routine shortly

Tarro: Oh, great. Uh, no, I definitely, I definitely wasn’t dinner. That’s.

Zooey: I’m pretty sure you’re going to get your stomach full either way.

Brass: Uh,

Zooey: Pornography.

Brass: and here we are. spade.

Spade Slick: Hello

Brass: Give me a made up product name.

Spade Slick: cocks.

Brass: How do you spell that?

Spade Slick: C-O-C-K-O.

Tarro: I am sure you don’t need to know how to spell cock breasts.

Brass: Taro a verb.

Tarro: lick.

Brass: Okay. And zoo a noun.

Zooey: Donut.

Brass: Spade, give me a number.

Spade Slick: 67.

Tarro: Yo. The show’s so hip with the kids that shouldn’t be listening. 18 plus.

Brass: Taro, give me a

month.

Tarro: July.

Brass: And finally. Zooey, give me the name of a zoo Cast member.

Zooey: Steve

Brass: All right, now spade, your prompt is with new dog s You too can lick your donut.

Zooey: Pornography.

Spade Slick: Now 7:00 AM waking up in the morning. You’ve gotta have cereal. Well get rid of all those corned flakes. Get rid of all those molted Wheaties. What you need is sry, our new dog Cocks, because you think that you are not flexible enough. You will be after our new dog cock with those. They’re so good. You’ll be licking your own donut just to taste them again.

That’s right. They’re the taste sensation. No dog. Cocks do not come from actual real dogs. If you want those, there is a pound down the road.

Brass: Taro

Tarro: Mm-hmm.

Brass: a consumer trying out this product.

Tarro: You know, I’ve been watching all those dog cock ads on TV and while normally it’s not necessarily my thing, I figured with how charismatic the salesperson is, I should probably give it a try. ‘cause I’m a consumer after all. That’s the thing that I’m, you know, characterized as in this improv sketch. Um, let me just pour these out into the bowl.

Oh, they smell kind of, kind of like pennies. Weird. Um, alright, well let me just take a bite. Crunch. Crunch. Ooh. They make me feel kinda weird. What’s happening to my weight? Why is my hand turning into a paw? Oh my God, am I,

am I growing fur? What is happening? Oh, suddenly I’m getting shorter and my butt, it won’t stop wiggling.

And, oh, my hands are paws now. And, uh, did I just turn into a dog? Might as well try the rimming thing, I guess.

Spade Slick: I think I wrote

Brass: the furry community, discovering this product.

Zooey: Well, free conventions have gone a lot less verbal these days. I don’t, the panels are just not held in the traditional sense, it’s mostly just one dog standing on the podium barking, and countless other dogs standing in the audience barking. There are a few scaly in the audience who haven’t hit the furry bug, who are remaining as human.

They’re just wearing the dragon fur suits, so they’re barking along in solidarity.

Tarro: I love the idea of just like a bunch of people in dragon suits and then just like a thousand dogs and them just being like, guess we gotta be zoo files now.

Zooey: What did my partner just eat a bunch of? Okay, well my boner gonna do what my boner gonna do.

Brass: Spade, a politician trying to get this product banned.

Spade Slick: So, several of my constituents have now been coming to me about this, uh, new product, I believe it is called, and I, I apologize for other words here, dog cocks. Now a lot of them, uh, have been asking to, to please, but it’s been turning many of, of their friends into, into lovable dogs. now, uh. I consider myself very, very, uh, of the people.

I have always considered myself of the people and very tuned in to, to these sort of issues, and that is why I brought a bowl here of dog cocks to show you that there is absolutely nothing to worry about that these are very silly reports, just like the litter boxes, just like everything else you’ve heard.

So, and you see, hmm. Warm mouthful. Just like that. And there you go. Smells a, a little bit like, like copper. Little bit like, uh, something else. I, I, I, I, I won’t, I won’t tell you what else. It, it, it smells like, um, but as you can see, uh, there is no fur at all on my, my paws and my, my, my nose is, it is looking a bit longer than usual, but I think.

Brass: I did say trying to get the product banned, but that was still good. That was still good. Good. Uh.

Spade Slick: he was showing that that there was nothing to worry about. Unfortunately, he was incredibly correct. There was nothing to worry about.

Brass: taro,

Tarro: Mm-hmm.

Brass: do you remember the 60 7th of July?

Tarro: Is this another song I should know?

Zooey: That’s a, that’s a crime.

Brass: the song,

is September By Earth, wind and Fire.

Zooey: That one’s vaguely inexcusable. I apologize.

Tarro: I do not know the song.

Spade Slick: Tara. Improvisation is a sort of medium by which you sort of.

Tarro: okay. Okay, okay, okay. Okay. Um, can you sing it one more time?

Brass: All right. Do you remember the 60 7th of July?

Tarro: God fucking damnit. It’s been a long and hard last 10 years. Ever since we changed our, date system, I, I don’t remember what’s happening anymore. Time has no meaning. We’ve lost track of everything. the population now immortal, has no need to take track of time anymore. The 60 7th of July, just a few short years ago, that would be stupid and have no meaning and would be some kind of mad lib on a show. But now that’s just how we track time.

Spade Slick: Well

Brass: Yeah, good.

Tarro: thank you all for the pity. I appreciate you.

Zooey: it was

Brass: as the song.

Zooey: Ah, I cannot remember ah, which day it is. These months go too long. A and I. This part’s got no lyric singing.

Brass: Oh

Tarro: My lack of knowledge of songs from the seventies has come back to bite me once again.

Brass: Spade, as a documentary about the 60 7th of September, of not September, July.

Spade Slick: It was long considered that the date changing would not have any repercussions Further down the line, that adding just an extra week of each month as the years went on would be amenable to the now immortal populations that that turned out to not be the case. It all came to a head on the now infamous date of the 60 7th of July.

We thought that the slowly increasing numbers would not be a problem until the 69th, or perhaps the 420th, but we did not account for the Zoomers. Now, freshly immortal, freshly immortalized in their youth and in their culture, and worse, the alphas behind them. Ready waiting. 62nd, 63rd crab weeping up. When it came to the 67th, all was already lost.

Brass: Taro as the Gen Z and Gen Alpha people on the 60 7th of July.

Tarro: You know, I’ve got a younger brother who is also immortal, so age is kind of irrelevant at this point, but who grew up with this whole six, seven thing? And I’ll be honest, I probably should have Googled what that was at some point. But, uh, boy did I not realize that it was some kind of like sleeper cell code for everyone to turn into cannibals and start eating each other. Um, very, very strange thing. My brother just jumped on the kitchen table and bit mom in the face. Um, the, the memes that these kids have nowadays, they’re really going crazy. Uh, the Roblox 38, I guess, is what they’re playing now, and, uh, maybe I should have guessed from the, the cannibalism themed games that I keep hearing all those news reports about, but, oh boy, this whole six, seven thing, not really my trend. I definitely prefer when things were more lid.

Zooey: Epic win

Tarro: Epic win.

Brass: and Zooey the final prompt. Are you ready?

Zooey: potentially.

Brass: Tell me about the Wild Party at Steve’s house.

Zooey: Hmm. Well, let’s just say the liquor was flowing. The candles were glowing. The ritual was set in the basement with the chalk marks on the floor, depicting symbols not seen in ages with any mortal eyes having laid upon them before. One shape. However, one shape stood out in the minds of everybody in attendance, where it was a shape that all knew well, a cookie of great fortune. Expertly detailed with each and every crease and fold and fold detail on the chalk line on the floor. The ritual would soon begin.

Brass: Spade.

Spade Slick: Hello.

Brass: I need you to describe the ritual in specificity.

Spade Slick: And so it was. In the basement of the 44th Street, the 44th, the greatest street known in the Elvin Kenya to as a month street known in Rin as the left street, but it was in this basement that the ritual began. And calling back to the forefathers and the ELs of Vallor and the the Nya. And all of, and the sons of Fausty no did come and they stirred around in the five points, the number five, of course, harking back to the gloss that stood guard against the two trees in the Elvin lands.

In the undying lands before Mor Goth did with Ted Liam for the darkness upon all of Ada. And then with the light of a luvata. They did cast it down onto the four cocky and there. The Hell Hound arose, the hell hound the servant of Morgo, the servant of Soran Belled back into the lands of Ian before the first stage, before it fell into the waves.

In the Great War with the Gods, before the Ians and before the ENTs and the elves. There. It arose up with fangs, dripping with lava and fire, and with the lust and the taste upon its fangs. There came the true Herald, the Scion, the origin of that great name that would echo down the ages

grand.

Tarro: God, you should be a writer or

something.

Zooey: done.

Brass: Taro a love crafty in description of the hell Hound.

Tarro: The candles flickered the darkness of the basement, broken only by their dim light, from the circle. swirled an endless void to look into. It was to see nothing, but from that nothingness. Something arose at first. Jet black fur and as it raised a shape came to take form. It was like a dog, but not quite. Something was amiss. There were legs, but too many legs. There was a tongue, but the tongue was too long and too short. And the cookie, it was, uh. Indescribable to gaze upon it. One would feel themselves changing. They would see its shine, its luster, and see nothing else. Their brains forever altered by the sight of this, this genital structure, the folds, the in all the places, mirroring the folds of our own brains, leading us to lose everything. But the cookie.

Zooey: Pornography. This is a story I’ve written.

Brass: and zoo. Wrap it up as a Shakespearian play.

Zooey: enter the cult leader. Robed. Well, doth my mind. Fla a billion pieces scattered to which winds? No. No, but thine. this is going wonderfully.

Spade Slick: Great. You’re doing great.

Zooey: Thank you. I step forth and penetrate into thy cookie with a girth strength and wit known to none, but a mad man for who would penetrate, but a madman, madman, like a candle flickering in the mind’s eye, the winds are whipping, but the wick stays firm, as do I.

Spade Slick: Wow. Well done.

Zooey: you. A flame. I lose a drip and drip and drop of sanity, but this is not but a great calamity as I shall bring forth a liturgy, A progeny of those like her and me fully formed fla in the limb with nothing recognizable, but that which drives men and women and those of another kin are sane.

Tarro: Damn. That was

Spade Slick: Wow. Holy hell.

Zooey: I am glad you all thought that was impressive.

Brass: and with that, we have reached the end of our game today. I would like

Tarro: Is it real? Have we escaped? Is it over?

Brass: it is, it is finally over taro Trapped us in, it’d.

Tarro: I.

like that in this story, we can be the sexy dog that’s escaping from the void.

Brass: Yes. Now, as I was trying to say, I would like to give congratulations to our winner,

Zooey.

Zooey: Oh,

Tarro: Woo,

Zooey: you flatter me. You flatter

Spade Slick: Well deserved.

Tarro: Well deserved.

Zooey: you.

Brass: Yes, you won with 63 points

Zooey: May I opt for six more points?

Spade Slick: Give a four more.

Brass: Four. Yeah.

Zooey: accept either.

Brass: With a score of 67, you have won our competition, and if anyone is curious what taro and spade got, they also, they, they both got 61. It was honestly

tied up for a good while

Tarro: But wait, hold on. Hold on. If Spade gave away four points,

Spade Slick: Ooh, I,

I.

Brass: I was, I.

was just hearing a petition to add more points.

Tarro: oh, can I have more points?

Brass: No, you didn’t win.

Tarro: I have less points?

Zooey: capitalism?

Brass: Yes. You can have fewer points

Tarro: Can I give two more points to Zooey?

Brass: Okay. You are now at

Tarro: 69, we did it.

Zooey: We did this is, this is a group victory

Spade Slick: that’s the true meaning of Christmas.

Tarro: That is the true meaning of Christmas.

Brass: and one point for the road making it 70.

Spade Slick: Aw.

Brass: Uh, that is my job as the game host. I force you to play my little games and I laugh at you at what you do.

Tarro: Someone draw brass in like the ridler outfit, make him green.

Brass: Riddled me this badman

Zooey: Name a noun.

Brass: who parked their car on my lamp oil Badman.

Zooey: Oh, that was beautifully done by all three of you. That perfect comedy at every angle.

Brass: I hope the, the listeners agree.

Tarro: And if not, you can’t DM brass on Twitter anymore, but find some way to contact

Brass: Act actually technically you can,

Tarro: Oh, DM them and tell him,

Brass: because dms on Twitter still work when suspended.

Zooey: I do believe I haven’t used Twitter and and age, so I don’t know what the rules are anymore.

Spade Slick: basically to get around the band, just send all, all tweets that you see. Just send to Bruss dms. Okay.

Tarro: yeah. Every single tweet.

Brass: Thank you for listening to Bad, bad Bot Job. We’ll see you maybe next year or whenever Toggle decides to give me a show Again,

Spade Slick: Bye.

Outro

Brass: Thank you friends for listening to Zooier Than Thou.

Tarro: Next episode is March 3rd, which Wow. Does the year ever go by quickly.

Brass: It’s the start of season eight, and we’ll be kicking off the new season with a bang.

Tarro: I hope I’m on that episode. I love to bang.

Brass: I’m sure you do. I.

Tarro: You can subscribe to our zooey RSS Feed at rss.zoo.wtf. You can also check out our extensive bonus content at bonus.zoo.wtf. If you want to show your support financially, head on over to donate.zoo.wtf.

Brass: Our show’s website is still Zoo.wtf, and we have a form that enables anonymous submissions to the show on that website. You can also simply email us at [email protected].

Tarro: Remember, if you decide to email us directly, be sure to include an alias we can use and let us know whether or not we can use your email on the show. If you’re not sure what we need, just use our website form for guidance

Brass: Share this episode with a zoo who likes to laugh.

Tarro: or who likes music from the seventies?

Brass: That’s totally on you for not knowing that song.

Tarro: Yeah. Yeah.

Brass: If you enjoyed this episode, you can also find me on Zoo and Me a podcast we wanted to do weekly, but life happened. Find it zooand.me.

Tarro: And while we’re plugging, check out zooey.pub, the number one zoo sexual lifestyle and advocacy magazine by zoos for zoos. New articles every week. Come check us out.

Brass: I am Bulldog and the.

Tarro: And I am taro blasting off again. You’ve almost finished this thing to Zooier Than Thou Stay defiant fellow zoos and be kind to one another. It’s the sexiest zoot thing you can do. We’ll see you next time. You feel like howling at the moon.

All: Awoo!

Tarro: Woof, woof, woof, woof!