S6E10: We Wish You a Zooey Christmas!

Please note that this transcript is automatically generated and contains many inaccuracies

Disclaimer

Mike:  The Zooier Than Thou podcast contains adult concepts and language and is intended for a mature audience. So if you don’t have enough winters behind you to get a visit from the Ghost of Christmas Past, stick to dreaming of sugar plums.

Dear Vernon: A Letter from an Albino Squirrel

Vernon: “Hope this finds you well, and thank you again for the package that you sent with all the goodies for Ken, he’s been enjoying them. Always thinking of the four of you.”

Ken: (whines)

Vernon: Okay, baby, let me finish this up. Small kiss?

Vernon: Alright, just two more sentences.

“Tell us all about Italy when you get back! Take lots of pictures. With love, Vernon and Ken.” Okay!

Vernon: Let’s go out to the mail, Ken baby.

Vernon: Whew! Is your coat warm enough, baby? Hahaha.

Vernon: Ah, a few letters in here for us.

Uncle Jesse, Danny, Athena, oh-ho no way, MICHAEL?

Look, smell this.

Vernon: Does that smell like Michael?

Vernon: Oh wow, this is, impossibly fancy writing. I know you don’t read, but, this first word, “Dear,” takes up like, a quarter of the page, that is very big for that word to be, it looks very nice. “Dear Vernon, and your fluffy better half, Ken.” Yeah, see, he knows exactly how it is. “Happy Yule! I’m glad to say that Lily is enjoying the snow as much as ever…”

Squirrel: …Recently, as the days wane, we have been camped in a valley, and she makes such a game of crashing through the snow on the valley’s slopes: especially when we first emerge from our tent in the morning after snow has fallen, she bounds and plows with her chest through the new snow, like a stone skipping over a glistening lake, away down the valley, and then back towards our camp again.

You should see her eagerness to dive into a snowbank after a tennis ball. Or even her eagerness to dive into a snowbank after a snowball.

When we’re out walking, our footprints through the snow leave a record of how her path orbits mine.

Now and then she stops and lies down on the path ahead of me, facing back towards me, chin resting at snow level, as behind her she makes tail angels.

As the nights steadily wax longer, I am given longer minutes to be thankful, truly grateful, to share a tent with someone so warm and so fuzzy. She will often at least have a paw on me, gripping a forearm or an ankle, whether I’m reading a book by lamplight or whether I am simply engaged in nothing, meditation, hibernation. Often she and I are flush to one another, my face and hands buried in the fluff of her chest as she holds me with her gentle claws.

Winter is a very good season for her. But I’ll admit, winter has never been a good season for me, compared to the others, and a lot of days I remind myself of earlier years when spring has come, and how alive I feel when I step outside into warmth instead of biting cold, when I smell GRASS again instead of just getting a runny nose outdoors. Freezing toes. Full-body shivering. Everything wet. Everything frozen. Or some… perplexing… combination of both. Yule marks an important time to look ahead to the year to come, though, I also find myself reflecting, and one thing I’ll not shy away from reflecting on is that for all it’s put me through, winter can kiss my ass, and not in the fun way you and Ken took turns at that night we set up camp on the scenic outlooks in the bluffs. All throughout that stretch of the trip, the leaves were all sharp oranges and yellows, as though the tree branches were all holding out agate stones and amber and fire and sunlight itself. Those views of the woods in the fall are a sort of climax of the year, to me; a bombastic showing before the trees’ outstretched hands are then bare for a while, and we hibernate. Soon enough, green fingernails will begin to appear on the ends of the twigs again, and a new year’s adventures will kick off.

I hope that my disappearance, and now reappearance, makes sense when viewing me as my thereotype. If you see an albino squirrel in the same park each day, and then stop seeing him, and then a year later you do see him again, the squirrel did not disappear for that time because he was mad at you, and the squirrel has not returned out of any malice either. We wild critters wander where our wondering thoughts carry us.

I paused for a moment just now, in writing this, and looked up from the log I am seated on: it is noon, the pale bright sun perfectly overhead, and both sides of the valley shine. Across the slope ahead of me, Lily bounds through the glimmer.

I’m sure she’ll be very happy to see you again the next time our paths cross.

Much love, your favorite rodent friend.

Theme

Kynophile: Hey, what can I say?

You’ve got me howlin’ at the moon!

Whoa, don’t you know that love is wild when you’re a zoo?

We’re Zooier Than Thou!

Oh yeah!

S6E10 Intro/Emails Part 1

Toggle: Murry Yiffmas, fellow zoos, and welcome to another mirthful episode of Zooier Than Thou. I’m Toggle, a creature who is stirring.

Mike: And I’m Mike the Dog, a creature who is hung with care.

Toggle: And we’ll be your hosts for this episode.

Mike: It’s holiday season, and that means everyone’s super busy!

Toggle: Traveling, holiday shopping, working extra hours for extra gift money. There’s hardly time for anything!

Mike: Let alone writing a whole podcast episode!

Toggle: That’s why this year, we decided to let ChatGPT write our holiday episode!

Mike: ChatGPT describes Zooier Than Thou as “a podcast that often delves into the quirky and fascinating aspects of the animal kingdom.” We’ve never actually done a straight-up holiday episode, so Chat GPT suggested that “we could blend some festive cheer with intriguing animal facts and stories.”

Toggle: So without further ado, here’s “A Wild Holiday Celebration,” on Zooier Than Thou! (Upbeat, festive music with animal sounds mixed in.)

Mike: (Wow.) Welcome back, dear listeners, to another episode of Zooier Than Thou! I’m Mike the Dog, and with me is the ever-curious Toggle the Rat.

Toggle: Hello, everyone! It’s that magical time of year, and we’ve got a special holiday episode lined up for you. We’ll be exploring how animals around the world celebrate the season in their own unique ways. (Segment 2: Festive Feasts)

Mike: Now, let’s talk about holiday feasts. While we enjoy our festive meals (and I enjoy TWO festive meals), many animals have their own special treats. For example, did you know that some birds, like the Bohemian waxwing, get a little tipsy from eating fermented berries?

Toggle: Haha, yes! And speaking of feasts, let’s not forget about the Christmas Island red crabs. Every year, millions of them migrate to the ocean to spawn, creating a red carpet of crabs. It’s a sight to behold! (I have no idea what that has to do with a feast!) (Segment 3: Holiday Traditions)

Mike: (I know. I wonder if it happens during Christmas, too!) Different cultures have unique holiday traditions, and so do animals. In Japan, the snow monkeys, or Japanese macaques, have a tradition of soaking in hot springs to stay warm during the cold winter months.

Toggle: That sounds so relaxing! And did you know that in some parts of Europe, people believe that animals can speak on Christmas Eve? It’s a charming legend that adds a bit of magic to the holiday season. (Segment 4: Listener Stories)

Mike: We asked our listeners to share their favorite animal-related holiday stories, and we received some heartwarming tales. Let’s listen to a few of them. (pause)

Toggle: It’s not a very long episode. What do you think?

Mike: Any time I get to learn new animal facts, it’s time well spent.

Toggle: Hear, hear! ChatGPT didn’t give us any listener stories, but we did like the idea of exploring holiday traditions and having an actual holiday episode for once. So, we’ll be breaking into Vernon’s holiday mailbag now and again throughout the episode.

Mike: In the meantime, we have tons of emails. Dozens! And what’s better than sitting by the fire on a cold winter’s day and reading fan mail?

Toggle: To be clear, we’re not going to read dozens of emails on the show today. Just a few.

Mike: But, we think, it will be enough. Quite enough. So without further ado, Toggle!

Toggle: Right! Let’s start with this one from Wet Animal Friends regarding S6E7 On Aquatic Animals. Our wet animal friends write: Dear ZooTT crew,

in the latest episode we heard some ideas that we found concerning, as they could lead listeners to make choices that end up hurting animals.

In S6E7, around the 9 minute mark, there was a conversation that included comments on how fish can’t feel pain and how animals like lobsters or crabs may as well be vegetables. However, there’s a strong body of scientific evidence that points to aquatic animals being able to feel pleasure and pain. Not just fish but also mollusks and crustaceans.

Our intention is not to call anybody out for not being vegan, but rather to point out that there were some statements made that are at odds with the current state of knowledge. This could lead listeners to believe that these animals don’t deserve moral consideration, and thus conclude that there are no ethical concerns with the practice of fishing or consuming them.

While it is likely impossible to fully prove or disprove the subjective experience of pain, evidence points towards a conscious affect in an ever expanding list of species (Relevant papers linked below). We believe it is best to assume a being possesses the ability to suffer if we are not sure either way, rather than risk causing harm until there’s a satisfactory amount of evidence. As zoos, we believe that we’re uniquely situated to understand and see animals beyond the lenses of speciesism. We intuitively regard them not as products or commodities, but as what they really are: sentient beings. Let’s just not forget that this includes aquatic animals too!

On another note, we’d like to say that we love the podcast and we’ll continue eagerly listening to it!

Stay zooey!

zipwok, Felion, Cookie, Konny

Mike: oh, feline, I get it, our wet animal friends reveal their true identities.

Toggle: Doxt!

Mike: Yeah, I got to pop into this actually, because that was my mistake there. I was the one on the episode, during a conversation, of course, it can be really hard to, gather thoughts the right way and really use the right words, the actual correct words.

and so I was attempting to kind of poo poo the idea that I had heard about, whether or not the physical immediacy of pain of fish was a, like a subjective experience. And I was trying to, I was trying to poo poo the, the arguments that fish can’t feel pain. it came across wrong and led to the conclusion, of course, that fish Can’t feel pain, which is the opposite of what I was trying to say, so, kind of a bit of an editing error there.

Probably the statement should have been cut, because I wasn’t enunciating clearly. I think there was actually a little point in there where a word got dropped almost, like it was muffled. So, yeah, sorry about that.

Toggle: yeah. So just to be clear. Zipwok, Our wet animal friends, we’re on the same page as you, and we apologize if we led anyone to believe that our aquatic animal friends, are not capable of feeling pain, etc. That was actually not the intention, so we just wanted to clear that up and let you know that we really appreciate you.

So thanks for your concern, wet friends! We definitely appreciate you making sure we’re on the up and up.

Sponsors

Announcer: Support for Zooier Than Thou comes from Epiphiny Pipeworks. Check out Epiphiny’s work on Bluesky @epiphiny.bsky.social, that’s E-P-I-P-H-I-N-Y. E-P-I-P-H-I-N-Y.

This episode is also made possible by Rudolph’s Reindeer Milk. It’s not milk. It does glow red! Visit us on the web at zoo.wtf, and subscribe using rss.zoo.wtf to get notified every time we’re on the air.

Dear Vernon: A Letter from Athena

Vernon: Okay Ken, you comfy? This one is from Athena. Wanna smell?

Vernon: Yeah you would not have met her, you’ve just heard us talk on the headset.

“Dear Vernon and Ken, It’s another year done, the trees are bare, and the shops are not…”

Athena: …so it’s another traditional round-robin. Merry Christmas! …Does anyone ever know how to start these things?

I suppose I could tell you where I am. I’m sitting at my desk on Christmas Eve - okay, yes, I was late writing this. Katie’s eye-blinking at me from my keyboard, looking adorable as possible in the fairy lights, wondering what I’m doing. My Christmas Tree’s in the corner, and I’ve already put out the sherry and mince pies for Santa and a carrot for Rudolph, and I’m sure any moment now he’ll be down the chimney - or the radiator pipes, at least. I’ll wait until Katie drifts off, so she doesn’t know…

Anyway, I hope your Christmas season is going well! I don’t have any big plans for tomorrow myself. Oh! I’ve leash-trained Katie, so after stockings and Buck’s Fizz, I’ll be taking her out for a walk in the local park. You can’t miss one of the only days strangers actually talk to each other, after all!

That said, a cat on a leash turns out to be a great people magnet! Even if they only want to see her. Can I blame them? Oh, it’s really cute, you two! They make all these little comments about how sweet and friendly she is, and how beautiful she looks. I giggle when I agree with them. If only they knew! Obviously I wish they could see us for who we are, but, like - isn’t it fun to be a little sneaky sometimes? And it makes you wonder, how many people out there walking their german shepherds or labradors, may be being just as sneaky…

Katie usually naps on the windowsill after a walk, so that’ll be when I can head out to church. Yes, I know I can feel you rolling your eyes! But it’s just what you do. And anyway, the white candle in the advent wreath, the box of chocolates for the kids in front of the altar… I left the faith, yeah, but there’s a happiness and excitement in there. Despite… aha. You know. Everything about me, these days. I’m a long way from the person who promised to obey the almighty. Anyway - what’s more patriotic than pretending to believe in Christianity?

After that, Katie and I’ll both be going to my parents’ for presents, a glass of sherry, and Christmas dinner. They made her her own special dinner last year - did I ever tell you that? Mum called up last week and asked whether she preferred turkey or duck - I think she’s getting some of ours! How amazing is that! I’ve done some reading and found out that she can’t eat Mince Pies or Christmas Pudding, but I bet she’s going to love the festive ham. And you know she loves brussel sprouts? I’ll just give her my portion!

I do think sometimes, when Katie sits on my lap while I’m over there, how lucky I am to have parents who care about her so much. They love her, you two! She’s a member of the family to them, even if they may not know just who she is to me.

I don’t know… they don’t bother me about a boyfriend or girlfriend anymore, and like, I never planned on telling them. But there are times when… you know. I wonder what it might be like, if they knew. If I could have one more place where I didn’t have to hide.

(In marginally more wobbly handwriting) Maybe next year.

Anyway, it’ll be a calm evening after that. The rest of the kids will rope me into some kind of game I’m sure. I’ll try and show them that there are more board games than Monopoly these days! Round it off with the Christmas Special of Doctor Who (I’m telling you, it’s good again, you’ll see!) and then it’ll be back to our place. I’ll probably be a bit wobbly on my legs by then. Katie’s going to get some ‘Feline Wine’ in her stocking from Santa, so if I am, I won’t be alone.

You know, I sometimes think my life is boring, simple. Haha. How easy it is, even for wonderful lives like this to seem simple and passé! Try telling that to the ‘me’ of three years ago - if I’d known that in such a short time I’d have a different body, a place of my own, and most of all, I’d be writing this letter while my fluffy soulmate naps sweetly on my keyboard next to me…

Yeah. It’s been a good year.

Anyway, I hope you have a wonderful Christmas yourselves! Give each other a wonderful kiss from me. I’ll see you… well, yes, online. But you have to send a letter, right? It’s tradition.

Merry Christmas, Athena

S6E10 Emails Part 2

Mike: Our next letter is from HYZNA-PLUS-ULTIMATE, subject: “Howloween 2024 improved my quality of life and watered my crops.”

HYZNA writes:

Seriously, Howloween 2024 was a great time to listen to, seriously, how did you get someone who sounded so much like H Jon Benjamin? (that was Brass Bulldog?) Really made my somewhat-hung-over day after halloween that much more tolerable. How fun it was aside, the message of the show was just what I needed to hear. Animals come first, y’know? (heck yeah they do) I have a lot of trouble engaging with fellow zoos because I automatically assume they’re bad people, so it’s really reassuring to hear the ZooTT crew express their respect for our nonhuman friends (and more), gives me a little more faith in my own demographic, and a much-needed bit of calm after a recent incident. Living with other people is great for financial stability, but it also means kissin’ dogs can be a little risky if you don’t know everyone’s exact whereabouts at any given time. Close calls indeed.

Oh, and the secret Rat-Man decoder message is (redacted) Sound advice.

p.s. -is Toggle’s full name really Toggers Ratski? big if true.

Respond.

Toggle: so Lovecat calls me Toggers, and so I started using Toggers, and then Ratsky just kind of fell out of it. So it’s just Toggle Rat,

and Toggers Ratsky is just,

Mike: It’s the pseudonym you use for writing.

Toggle: just, it’s just silly. It’s just being silly. My pen name is Toggers Ratsky, so no one knows that it’s actually written by Toggle Rat. Throws them off every time.

Mike: Yeah.

Toggle: Yeah, so that’s where that comes from, but I’m so glad that that episode landed with you.

Mike: You know what, Toggle, discuss a little bit about how, how hard it is, I guess, to write an episode that has shall we say those heavier elements, , community, drama, avoiding the drama, and talking about what’s important.

Toggle: That’s a good question. Now, I, this, the idea came from the writer, who we’ll call Argus for, for ease. Argus had the idea. The original script was just like the two of them kind of walking down a straight path. There wasn’t a lot of obstacles and it didn’t feel like some of those moments were earned, and I think that’s one thing that’s a little difficult to kind of navigate.

There’s a couple of things. So one thing is, you have to earn those moments. if you’re gonna go there, you have to earn it

Mike: There’s the narrative that it gets wrapped up around.

Toggle: and so what we wanted to try to do was, instead of having him just blather out what kind of issue he was having, we wanted him to go on a journey that sort of started hinting at some of Treb’s trepidation, surrounding the zoo community.

Trebsidation. and so that’s kind of how that goes. The other thing is, sometimes there’s this balance between wanting to address an, a valid active concern and not wanting to, how do I say this?

Mike: cause there’s like, rumors and stuff, and you don’t want to like, feed into all this weird stuff going on.

Toggle: right. So, you want to address valid concerns That people actually have, but, our shtick is zoopositivity, so we have to come out of, those moments with something positive, or at least something that’s like, okay, what can

we do about this?

Mike: You’re looking for the steps to the future, right?

Toggle: right?

it’s not enough to just throw out a problem, you also need to have something positive. to say that we can do about it, and, this is a basic satire set up type of thing, you know, it’s, easy enough to complain and to, doomsay and, and all of this stuff, but there has to be something that can be done, or you’re just complaining, it’s just bellyaching, so, you have to have something to take away there.

And then there’s also like, maybe don’t put too fine a point on, like there’s a certain phrasing in the original script that it was like, Mmmmm, I don’t want to say this on our podcast.

Mike: Right.

Toggle: don’t want to ignore it, so let’s talk about it. You But, let’s not say it in this particular way, because that way is very, loaded, you know, there’s some of it was a little bit loaded language, and I was like, eh, we have to express the same thing, but not quite so pointedly.

Mike: Yeah.

Toggle: So, there’s a balance between not wanting to shy away from real actual. And the other, you know, the other problem that I was considering is not everyone feels this way. Eggshell absolutely was like, hmm, I don’t know that any of this is true. and so, you know, this is not everyone’s experience. So there’s a risk in bringing this sort of negative experience onto the podcast that it alienates people who weren’t having that experience or could, rope them into having a more negative experience.

So that was something that I was a little worried about, but at the same time, I thought it was an opportunity to speak to the experience of some people who might already be feeling alienated, and try to have something that everyone, regardless of how they’re feeling right now, can come away with.

And that is ultimately, that if you’re feeling a little bit lost, there’s always one direction you can, focus on, and that is, what can you do for animals? Everyone , can take that away, regardless of how they feel about the community and the stuff that’s happening. and the other thing is, like, some people, this isn’t their experience at all, like, they’re not on Twitter, maybe, they’re not, dealing with any of the random goings on that happen in the, the day to day of some people’s lives. So That’s also part of why Trev says, you know, that’s how I feel about this. This is how I’m feeling. Does that answer the question you asked me?

Mike: I guess, yeah. Yeah. About, kind of like how difficult it is to put these kinds of themes into the show.

Toggle: Right. They’re important to talk about and we don’t want to shy away from them, but we also want to do it right.

And that’s ultimately what it comes down to. Mm

Mike: Yeah. And there will be like, even we focus on positivity, but there’s always going to be these kind of hard moments that we come across. And that’s why we have that whole interrogation scene kind of sets it all up, there’s a, there’s a part in there kind of when he first opens up and he’s talking about how hard it is just to like, know what you would do with being confronted with such a bad situation.

Toggle: And part of the what we wanted to do with him is to have him have an honest reaction.

Mike: not only that, but like, he really does speak for everyone. cause I’ve noticed, like, my role in the community, I’ve seen a lot of like administration and stuff. I’ve seen how multiple groups will actually use that question as part of like a vetting process. And, you know, I’ve seen some of the answers and I’ve seen, you know, people give these little, You know, what you would expect answers, you know, which you can’t really score that highly when really the real answer, if you’re being honest, is, I don’t know, because it’s difficult.

It’s probably the most difficult thing we face.

Toggle: at least among ourselves, you know, in the human capacity of things, yes.

Mike: yeah, humans in the zoo making connections with other humans, know, there, there will almost certainly be a time where you’ll be confronted with something a friend has done. It might even be minor. It might be very small. And at the very least you have to just address it. And without that, we end up in a really terrible place.

Toggle: Right,

Mike: we wanted to really, give that like a nod in that direction.

Toggle: yeah, and you know, that whole conversation, almost everything that happens in the interrogation actually was, Argus, like it was even in the first draft, like part of those, parts of that conversation were there, and I think Argus was really pulling from their own experience. I think largely, Argus was writing this for themselves.

As a sort of, maybe, cathartic way to process a lot of the stuff that’s been happening, in their neck of the community,

Mike: For themselves and other people, other zoos they’ve talked to. Yeah.

Toggle: from, from people that they know. Which means, of course, that there are absolutely people out there who, who are having these types of feelings. And, you know, that, that’s worth acknowledging. And we talk about zoo positivity, there’s a hollow zoopositivity in which we might ignore things that aren’t favorable or happy, but I think If you will positive zoopositivity has

room to address those issues

Mike: An actual positive future.

Toggle: right, you have to be able to address those things and pass them or You’re just kind of stagnate you get stuck, So, I think it was important to do and that’s why we did it. I will say I was worried that some people in our own chat might not resonate with it But I was surprised that several people actually did so it was good.

Mike: Turned out to be a good episode. I liked it.

Toggle: Yeah, and I do love You said Brass Bulldog sounds like H. Sean Benjamin. I wonder if Brass Bulldog knows who H. Sean Benjamin is. Well, I’m so glad that this was a good one for you thank you so much for writing in

Mike: yeah, we’re glad to hear the episode landed so well with you.

Dear Vernon: A Letter from Uncle Jesse

Vernon: Alright Ken baby, you would remember Uncle Jesse, we’ve met him all over the place.

“Vernon Black, you unamerican animal banging knot slut…”

Jesse: …they built one of those Pagan temples in my good God-fearing Christian community, and ever since then dudes have been banging other dudes in the street, I was walking by and saw the temple and then saw a dude and sucked his dick while we waited for the crosswalk to turn. I hope you’re proud of what you’ve done to our peaceful, wholesome, and have I mentioned “God fearing” yet?- way of living.

Other than witnessing the downfall of our salvation, democracy, and all of the values that we hold dear, me and the rest of the Janson batch have been alright. Lyle made it to Star Scout, and has been showing me Fallout New Vegas mods he’s been making, if you know what that one is. He’s able to make the guys in it do all kinds of funny stuff. Charlotte is playing Ophelia in an upcoming school production, and has also been getting a lot better on the guitar; the other day I thought she had the radio on in the living room, but it was her.

I was happy to see you at Keith’s over the 4th. I read The Left Hand of Darkness, which you were telling me about as we were carrying back everyone’s Subway. I appreciated the recommendation. I was amazed by how much it spoke to perservering, determination, dedication. It’s interesting that “aliens” in that story are also humans, just placed on another planet: they do seem extremely human.

Lulu’s latest catchphrase is, “Well we are blessed.” I’ve tried to teach her: “Vernon swallows dog knot. Bulbus glandis. Vernon is gayyyy. Forrrr. Dog penis.” It goes right in one parrot ear and out the other. Oh well. Lyle and Charlotte are trying to teach her internet memes. She still repeats Ma’s line, “Well we are blessed.” I guess she knows better than to listen to what someone tries to teach her deliberately.

Love Ken and you. God bless.

-Jesse

Vernon: Ken baby I don’t want you to repeat any of those words you just heard. He’s saying he loves us, we just, should not say it that way.

S6E10 Emails Part 3

Toggle: Up next, The Burniest Zoo says, “Lighthearted Interrogation Start!”

Burnie writes:

Heya ZooTT crew,

I remember somewhere in the pile, there was a mention of a zooey book club, but naturally, trying to google it comes up with some more mainstream stuff (in this case franny and zooey). Too shy/lurker-y to join anything that proper, but I was curious to peruse the booklist for any leads on fiction hits. Any way to point inquiring minds in the direction of such a list (or to paste it out since I’m a stranger and don’t necessarily want to invade any spaces)?

On that note, any of y’all read that Wings of Fire series? I know, it’s technically for widdle babies, but it’s awesome, feral dragon fantasy world, no human POVs (except that one legends book which is perhaps the least liked in the series for that reason), and it’s gay enough to get banned in certain states public school libraries to boot! Perhaps I am being overly self conscious about the target demo though, since I am pretty sure Pokemon and MLP were a factor for at least some of you, and those are also for babby.

Anyway, I’m sure it has been said plenty already, but in response to a certain Rat Dad’s post on Twitter, prioritize your brain health homie. If you have to dial production back, we understand, and we will still be here.

Peace (Flutterbutter the best),

The burniest zoo

Alright, you’re doing the book club thing right now.

Mike: Books, books, yeah, just go to t. me slash plus something, something, something, no, um, So yeah. Uh, one of our members actually made a channel That they were intending to put the history of all our books in, so that at the very least people could, take a look at what we’ve read. that is a work in progress. It’s not public at the moment.

we’ll see what’s done with that. Maybe we’ll edit the show notes before the episode comes out. We’ll see.

Toggle: Well, why don’t you give some of the books, because I know that you know some off

Mike: Oh yeah, we did, The Goat, or Who is Sylvia.

Howdy Maletzky’s Understanding Bestiality and Zoophilia.

We did Joanna Bourke’s Loving Animals. We did J. R. Ackerley’s, We Think the World of You, oh, and My Dog Tulip, which are almost like two parts of the same story, really.

Toggle: My dog Tulip, yep,

Mike: Yeah. we also lately did Stephen King’s, , Fairy Tale, which has a lot of dog stuff in the beginning, a lot of dog adventure.

there’s so many. We actually did quite a few.

Toggle: well, that should be enough at the very least to get people started if they want to do their own book journey without

joining the book club, but

Mike: Didn’t, you read, uh, The Other End of the Leash?

Toggle: I did read The Other End

Mike: Yeah, that was like years ago. We, we did that in book club. That was good

too. but yeah, if you want to hit me up at dogmikezc on, on telegram, you know, I can see about adding you in. If you’re interested in joining the book club.

Toggle: you should join the book club. It’s, pretty intimate. There’s, chats. You don’t necessarily have to come to the group discussion, but you can follow the chats keep up with the book club, even if you’re feeling lurker y. And if you want to go into the things and just listen to people talk, you can do that too, without speaking. It’s a good time, so I recommend it.

Mike: Yeah. And we have enough people now that we might end up doing little sort of subsections, uh, where we reread the books that we’ve already read and have more discussions about them. cause a lot of people, they come in and they haven’t, you know, been there the entire time and haven’t read some of the older books that we had.

Toggle: I know we did a new discussion on Uniquely Dangerous, because I got to come in for that one,

and there were some interesting new insights that came out of rereading that book.

Mike: Yeah.

Oh, that

Toggle: how about this dragon book, Wings of Fire? Are you familiar with it?

Mike: Yeah, jeez, I’m not. You should probably, talk to Sigma. You know what you could probably do is just talk to Sigma, on voice, for like two minutes, well maybe five minutes, maybe, maybe ten minutes, and just, uh, see what she has to say about it. , cause yeah, that’s totally up her wheelhouse.

Oh, probably. if not, I’m sure she would love to.

Toggle: It sounds great. I don’t really subscribe to the idea that certain things are for babbies. I watch Bluey. It’s not for babbies. I mean, it’s kind of for babbies, but it’s also for me.

Mike: it’s done well. You know, that was the big thing with My Little Pony. It was a kid’s show that was actually done well.

Toggle: right. So, I mean, it’s fine. Read what you like. and if it’s gay enough to get banned in public schools, it’s fine.

Mike: That’s always a good thing.

Toggle: It’s always a good sign. Yep. and I appreciate you. Yeah. Thanks for writing in Bernie We hope you’ll eventually join us in the Zooey book club.

Mike: Next we have one from Gothic Golden Retriever, , the retriever with a familiar name. Gothic writes, So I have been coming closer and closer to bringing a new animal companion to my home. I’ve known for a while that I wanted a Golden Retriever, but I was never too sure about names. My mom recommended the name Doug, like the dog from Up, and then I remembered a certain original co host had a pretty good online pseudonym.

Obviously, feel free to tell me to fuck no if I’m overstepping here, but would it be okay if I named my future companion, Fausty. It’s a pretty cool name, and is subtly zooey. Again, I get it if you think this is a bit too much.

Toggle: Nope. That’s not too much I think Doug would get such a kick out of that. Fausty would love that Absolutely having a golden retriever named after him 100 percent you have our blessing entirely

Mike: It’s a good name. If you want to be more traditional, Faust, but obviously you would lose the connotation. Yeah, Fausty’s a good one. So yeah,

thanks for the email, GothicGoldenRetriever. I know Fausty would be really pleased.

Toggle: All right. Here’s one from Butch Cassidy that says, thank you. Butch writes, thank you guys so much for making this podcast. You guys have taught me that I’m not alone. I really love you guys so much for helping me understand myself. I know this isn’t long, but I’m really happy that you guys exist.

Love you guys.

Mike: Doesn’t have to be long to be, I don’t know, full of love.

Toggle: Yeah, full of

Mike: Or something. It’s always good to have the feedback.

Toggle: Yeah, glad to hear it. Thank you for the letter,

Butch Cassidy. yeah, we love hearing this kind of thing.

Mike: Next, Anonymous Mutt writes in general about zoo. The Mutt writes, Hello, I just really wanted to let you know I appreciate what you guys do.

And if you ever want art, free of course, let me know. I have not been able to meet any others like me, but have told multiple people. I’d love to make new friends, though.

Your podcast gets me through the last couple of hours of work every day. Thank you for that.

I’d love to share some stories about my life being zoo for I don’t hear many of people assigned female at birth often, but I’m unsure if I should.

Ha ha ha.

Toggle: Well, I think you should. Anonymous mutt, we’d love to hear your perspective as an assigned female at birth. I do agree. We don’t hear a lot from them. They definitely exist. we know that for a fact, but I’ve always heard that many women who are zoos are rather private. or don’t participate in a lot of community spaces only because they are so male centric and some of them are very misogynistic, which really sucks.

So, absolutely, we would love to hear more. assigned female at birth perspectives, and it sounds like maybe, I don’t know if you identify as a woman right now, or if you’re trans. I think both absolutely valid, I want to hear from more of those. I know we had our friend who is transmasc, recently, so assigned female at birth, but transmasc, at this point in his life, so that’s also a perspective we don’t get to hear a lot of.

So, all of those things are good. We always want to hear from them.

Mike: Even if you do run into some annoying people out there, don’t lose hope. There are some good spaces. I’ve, I’ve been in some where, there’s whole lot of different perspectives all mixing together in a nice cohesive harmonic way.

Toggle: I can think of several people I’d love to connect you with, so feel free to write back in, yeah. We appreciate the letter, Anonymous Mutt. We would love to hear from you again.

Mike: I always end referring people to Sigma’s chat nowadays, feral SFW. just because it’s like this really great space of not having to deal with porn seekers, while also just being able to just introduce yourself to some people, you know, you can kind of go from there, right?

Toggle: right, absolutely. So, if you’re on Telegram, that’s a great place to start. I even think the Feral Stickers channel, it is not safe for work, but I think it, It might be a still a decent place to go.

Mike: Mm

hmm.

Toggle: a try as well.

Mike: At the very least you could build a positive culture if it’s not very active.

We appreciate the letter, anonymous mutt. We’d love to hear from you again. Come write in later.

Dear Vernon: A Letter from Walter

Vernon: Here, alright, wait… guess which hand–yeahhhh.

Vernon: Let’s see…

Vernon: Oo, how’s your German, Ken? Ken Hund?

Vernon: Ah, it’s in English, we’ll be good.

“Dear Ken, dear Vernon…”

Walter: We wish you a zooey Christmas,

We wish you a zooey Christmas,

We wish you a zooey Christmas,

and happy zoo year!

I hope this letter will have reached you before Christmas eve, as I intended.

Or is it ‘as I intend’? I don’t know, I’m writing this from the past. So, by the time you read this, my intentions will (hopefully) relate more to devouring a delicious vegan roast with Spätzle and Rotkraut and a nice, thick brown sauce, or the unpacking of presents with Helga and our family.

We have been impatiently waiting for the time around Christmas since the end of October.

Which is, when all the shops and grocery stores and bakeries start playing loud, cheery Christmas music through their speakers and start selling Christmas themed baked goods and sweets and the entire town decorates their houses and front yards with flashing lights, sleds and dead pine trees.

Everyone that you could talk to here would tell you how annoyed they are about this, that they wish that Christmas-time could just be a time around the end of December, not an entire extra 5ft season. And still, it seems like it starts earlier every year.

That might sound like all Germans are fun-hating little Grinches, but I assure you, when December does roll around the corner, the mood in the general population changes drastically to the better!

Christmas just isn’t Christmas without the cold and all the traditions leading up to the holiday.

For example, the first thing all German households do before this last month in the year starts, is get an Advent calendar. Usually, a flat cardboard box with 24 little doors in it, one for each day before Christmas, behind which are treats and candies that kids get to snack on after they wake up in the morning.

I’ve looked, but I couldn’t find any advent calendars that are suitable for pigs, so I’ve crafted my own in the workshop!

I put in dry pieces of various vegetables, fruits and nuts and Helga seems to enjoy my creation quite a lot so far!

Of course I had to hang it to the wall where she can’t reach. I assume she wouldn’t be able to contain her anticipation for the next goody, if I gave her unlimited access.

And on the 3 Sundays before Christmas Eve, my sisters, their children and we meet up at our parents’ house to light a new candle in the Advent Wreath and tell each other Christmas stories on the carpet in front of the stove.

At first my parents were very skeptical about letting Helga into the house, but since I explained to them that pigs are actually very cleanly and she is housebroken and especially since I explained to them how much more she means to me than any other rescue I have cared for before, they have warmed up to her. Though she is still not allowed on the furniture. (We’re working on that one.)

Last Sunday, we baked our first Plätzchen of the year, a special kind of cookies that are only eaten around this time. They came out absolutely delicious! Some with vanilla in them, other glazed with chocolate or sprinkles, or with nuts and cinnamon.

Of course I made a special batch just for my girl, with every ingredient 100% safe for her to eat.

She even got to do clean up duty and lick out all the dough left in the bowl.

After half of all Plätzchen were gone and the rest of the family retired to bed, we stayed behind on the carpet by the warming ambers and cuddled for a while longer. She with her snout in my lap, eyes closed and leaning against my belly, me petting her head and back, submerged in romantic bliss until sleep took us as well.

Yesterday evening, we met up with a couple of local zoo friends and their non-human better halves at the Christmas Market. You should have seen the beautiful lights around the small chapel in the town center, the stands with the little figurines carved out of wood, those that were steaming from the hot food that was being cooked there, or from the big pots in which wine with all kinds of festive spices was heated up, to warm the bellies of the humans who were walking all over the market.

You should try our hot spiced wine, that we call Glühwein here, sometime, it is frankly delicious!

There was a stage with a Gospel choir on it, that sang classics like “ Oh Tannenbaum”, “Ihr Kinderlein kommet”, or “Kling Glöckchen”, but also more modern songs and original compositions.

Helga got to play with her canine friends Emilia and Torsten again, while we two leggers sat on the steps of the town library and talked about how we were doing, how our partners were and all the latest banter in the Zoo Community.

“Have you read the latest Zooey Dot Pub article?”

“What did you think of the last episode of Zooier Than Thou?”

“Have you heard of that new zoo band Shiv? Their music will blow your mind!”

All the while getting more and more tipsy as the evening went on. Eventually, Helga found a muddy patch somewhere that she wallowed in and of course the two dogs followed suit. All covered in mud and back to playing a game, you could barely tell they were different species at all.

So, after a while longer of soaking in the wonderful, cozy atmosphere, it was time to say our goodbyes and give our partners a good warm shower at home.

As I am writing this we are back at the old farm, just after breakfast. Helga sleeps on her bed right next to me, as I allow myself another cup of hot chocolate.

I really look forward to the big day, when the family meets up for the fourth time and the Child Christ puts the presents beneath the Christmas Tree, so that the children’s eyes may sparkle with anticipation and joy.

I bought a new football for Helga to play with and a whole crate of carrots! Don’t tell her though!

We hope that your time approaching Christmas has been just as wonderful as ours and that the Holiday will be even better!

“Früher war mehr Lametta!”

Signed,

Walter & (a big hoof print)

S6E10 Emails Part 4

Toggle: Our final email of the episode comes from Yage Wolf, writing about Zoo exclusive relationships and coming out. Yage writes: Dearest Zoott Crew,

I’ve been meaning to write in for the last few years but hadn’t really gotten around to it until now. First off, I am incredibly appreciative of what your podcast has done for me and for other zoos, allies/ non-zoos. The impact is profound, and it means so much to me. I eagerly watch the moon cycles, hoping for the release of another ZTT episode.

A little about me: I’m right on the cusp of Gen X and millennial, and I’ve been part of the zoo/therian community, off and on, since the mid-2000s. I am zoo-exclusive, or asexual towards humans, which has caused some challenges in my human romantic relationships. After many failed attempts, I’ve come to terms with this aspect of myself. One thing I’ve learned through those experiences is that a lack of communication and a fear of rejection often made intimacy challenging. Communication, I’ve realized, is a cornerstone of any relationship—whether you’re a zoo or not.

I was fortunate to find someone who shares my love and passion for non-humans, someone genuinely interested in their well-being and who doesn’t see them as “lesser beings.” Although they hadn’t initially considered zoosexuality a possibility, they saw us as two people with a deep love for non-humans. We weren’t intimate for a long time, partly due to my own skepticism and lingering fears from past experiences. I wasn’t attracted to humans, which was something I was internally grappling with. I realized communication was essential to avoid misunderstandings down the line.

One day, they simply asked, “What are you into, sexually?” My first response was, “animals mating.” Although there was more to it, this was true. I turned away, expecting scorn or rejection, but instead, they smiled and said, “Tell me more.” So, I did. I explained how my attractions worked and how intrinsic they are for me. This conversation, like others we shared, was part of an ongoing journey over time. Fully coming out doesn’t happen all at once; it’s a process that builds slowly, through trust and patience. Each conversation deepened our understanding, and as I shared more, I realized there was no resentment; my own internal gatekeeper was letting this information out because I knew it came from a place of love and mutual respect. We spoke about our shared connection to therian experiences and how each of us grew up feeling an internal kinship with non-human energies. We both had struggled with this in the outside world. Over time, I learned to make friends with the “elephant in the room,” and as our relationship grew stronger, I found myself needing to tiptoe around it less and less.

Coming out as zoo to them lifted a huge barrier that had held me back my entire adult life. Of course, there are still bumps in our relationship, but we acknowledge them together. Like a garden, relationships need proper nourishment to grow strong and vibrant. They require tending—understanding, love, compassion, and empathy—to flourish and withstand the challenges that inevitably come. With these, the roots grow deeper, creating a foundation that allows both individuals to blossom in their own way while growing together.

If there are any younger listeners out there who are navigating life as a zoo-exclusive and seeking human connection, please, don’t ever give up hope. Know that there are people—both zoos and non-zoos—who genuinely have the capacity for compassion, understanding, and acceptance. They will see beyond the stereotypes and labels that society places upon you, recognizing the true, authentic person you are. These people will understand the unique path you walk, embracing the nuances and challenges you face instead of trying to fit you into a convenient box. They won’t demand that you change who you are. Instead, they’ll celebrate your journey, honoring and loving you for every part of your zooey self. So, stay true to who you are, and know that by doing so, you’re paving the way for others to find the same courage. Be you, and keep on being you—you are exactly as you’re meant to be.

Again, thank you so much for continuing this wonderful podcast —it has been an awesome resource and has changed my life for the better. Thank you from the bottom of my heart Zoott! I love you all! 💜 and happy Holidays!

Mike: Oh, that’s a good message. I think a lot of us really, a lot of diverse identities and feelings and and orientations in our community. Even, when it’s something like, I am a zoo, like, what does that mean? there, there’s so much to it. There’s so much there.

Toggle: Absolutely, being able to unpack that does take a little bit of time. And 100%, the number one most important thing in any relationship, honestly even a non a relationship. It’s communication. You have to communicate with people and it is, for some reason, one of the hardest things for us to do.

Maybe it’s our own society and our squeamishness around sex? I don’t know,

Mike: I think we need to learn how to get outside of ourselves. Sometimes

Toggle: Right. And I even know, I struggle sometimes. It’s like, we need to talk about this, but man, I don’t want to talk about it. But you know, that’s the thing you gotta talk about. Ugh. So communication is key. You are 100 percent correct. And I am thrilled to hear how well your relationship is going right now.

Mike: yeah, we all wish for something like that, something we can aspire to.

Toggle: Absolutely. Well, thanks for the lovely letter, Yagé Wolf. May you have many happy years in your relationship.

Mike: Oh, that’s all the listening notes we have for this episode, wow. Well, good thing I guess, because we’re almost out of time.

Toggle: Mike, you got any cool plans for the holidays? Ha ha

Mike: Uh,

Toggle: ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Mike: Feasting, like I said, you know, two feasts per day. if I get a little time off, , I’ll play a bunch of video games or something, you know, actually just spend some time doing nothing and eat.

And that’ll be my holiday.

Toggle: You definitely need time doing nothing.

Mike: Yes.

Toggle: I’ve been doing nothing and eating.

Mike: Yes. Oh, what about you? Uh,

Toggle: When this episode comes out, I’ll just be getting back from MFF, which is my big holiday travel, and I reckon I’ll have lots of fun visiting a lot of people, and uh, usually me and my husband visit my parents for Christmas and New Years, but this year, we have our own house! So, the last half of this month is going to be scrambling getting everything ready to host Christmas for the first time at our place.

Mike: Oh, family.

Toggle: Oh no, not family!

Mike: Have, going to have your conversations over, the Tofurky.

Toggle: Right? It’s funny, cause like, I basically bring my own food you know, sometimes my mom or my uncle still make the food but I always gotta bring it cause I forget Like, oh yeah, you can’t eat that, can you? Whoops, my bad.

Mike: Yeah. How are they with all of that? My parents, they’re like, well, as long as you understand that you’re not going to convert us into vegetarians. I’m like, it’s okay.

Toggle: Yeah, I think my, family is kind of like, wow, good for you, that’s really cool. I sure wish I could do that.

Mike: Okay.

Toggle: That’s kind of like where they’re at, I wish I could do that. No aspirations to do so though.

Mike: Yeah. At least they handle it well.

Toggle: Yeah, I mean they’re very supportive. I am fortunate enough to be like one of like two queer people in the world who have a great family life.

Mike: oh yeah. I mean, it happens, but like, I guess you wouldn’t hear about it very often.

Toggle: I feel like most of my queer friends just don’t get along with their family at all and it really sucks.

Mike: Yeah. I feel for everyone who just doesn’t have much of a family life at all, regardless of queerness. Like some people, it’s just a difficult

differences of opinion. Yeah.

Toggle: well I feel like people can make their own families. It doesn’t necessarily have to be biological, There are people out there who will be your family. Go find them and spend time with them.

Mike: yeah.

Go

have a feast with some of your friends, that’s always a good idea.

So whatever you’re doing out there, we hope it’s with someone you love. And if you don’t have family of your own to celebrate with, make your own traditions.

Toggle: Yeah, one of my friends started getting Chinese food and seeing a movie on Christmas Day every year. way to spend time.

Mike: Yeah. I know several folks who host dinner for friends who either don’t have anywhere to go or are just too far from home.

It just helps people feel a little less lonely this time of year.

Toggle: Yeah. And I know some of you just love to stay at home alone. Cuddle with your animal companions and watch It’s a Wonderful Life. Or, you know, play video games and feast.

Mike: Feast.

Toggle: Yeah, it’s not a bad way to go either.

Mike: You could feast while watching It’s a Wonderful Life.

Toggle: Absolutely. Ha

Mike: Whatever you do, relax, enjoy yourself, And make some quality time this holiday season.

We love you listeners and we hope your holidays are merry and bright no matter where you are in the world.

Dear Vernon: A Letter from Danny

Vernon: Baby, that–hang on, let me fix your blanket a little. That better?

Vernon: Last one, and then I’ll go to sleep too. This one is from a far, far away land.

“Hey Vernon, Hey Ken! It’s your mates Danny and Buddy from Down Under!”

Danny: Santa is on his way and I thought you might find it interesting to hear what Christmas is like here in Upside Down land. So let me go all Bob Ross and paint you a picture of what Christmas is like on my family farm!

It’s Christmas Eve and we’re driving 3.5 hours out of Melbourne up to the tiny community of Little Desert and watching the Outside Temperature climb higher and higher. Buddy, my canine companion is asleep in the back of the car, his snoring cutting through the endless Christmas music on every radio station. My mind wanders as a particularly loud snore cuts through the music and I chuckle, thinking of the play session Buddy and I had this morning. I know from experience that I have make sure my beloved Mastiff cross is well drained before heading out to the family farm as he has a habit of ‘letting everything show’ if he’s kept pent up for more than a couple of days. I don’t mind at home off course but it is probably a bit much for my sister and her kids to have 6” of doggy cock on display for all to see.

The aircon on the car is cranked as high as it will go and it’s not too bad inside but I know it’s hot enough outside to cook an egg on the bonnet.

We’re halfway there and Buddy wants to get out for a wee, but second guesses himself when he’s hit with the heat after opening the back of the wagon. I don’t blame him either as I can feel my arms starting to burn even though I’ve only been out of the car for a couple of minutes! I slap on some Factor 50+ and press on, knowing I’m going to be stuck with a Drivers Arm tan whether I like it or not.

We left the highway ages ago and now tun onto the dirt road that leads to the farm. It’s pretty smooth today. Phil from the next farm over must have been out with his grader since we were up here last! We fly past the dry paddocks and I look in the mirror to see the dust cloud kicked up by our passage. This brings back memories of racing down this road on my dirtbike as a kid with the family dogs keeping pace all the way down to the cattlegrid and back.

It’s not long before we pull up to the homestead and I look down at the outside temperature. 48 degrees outside and it’s close to dinner time! Nan has heard us coming, the dogs have made sure of that! She opens the screen door and waves, the dogs almost bowl me over in excitement as I get out of the car, beads of sweat popping out the instant I step out of the cool. I fend them off and go open the back of the wagon so Buddy can get out and stretch his legs too.

This time he doesn’t care about the heat and is out before the boot is even halfway open!

They share the universal greeting of dogs everywhere and romp off to the orchard out the back of the house where it’s a bit cooler.

The rest of the day is the usual greetings, stories and terrible jokes from Uncle Joe washed down with half a case of whatever beer I could pick up in the last town on the way in.

All the “young ones” hide from the sun, following the shade around the veranda as the old fogeys somehow manage to sink cups of tea inside. It’s 43 degrees!

Buddy is melting slowly into the concrete near the outhouse while the farm dogs loll around in whatever bits of shade they can find. Dinner is a light affair as we know tomorrow is going to be a full roast Christmas lunch regardless of the heat! Buddy knows Nan is an easy mark and he sneaks under the table to beg scraps. She goes one better and gives him half a slice of ham from her own plate.
I joke that she’ll teach him bad habits and she replies that he is entitled to a treat as much as the rest of us.

The evening rolls on and everyone heads to bed pretty early. This is a working farm after all and everyone else has been up since the early hours.

We head to the room I’ve always had here and crash out on the bed, ceiling fan running full to try and keep the room at least somewhat bearable. Buddy curls up on the bed with me and we both fall asleep to the creak of the fan and the buzz of the crickets outside. As we doze off I remember some of my younger days spent here when I worked out just how far my love of dogs went. I chuckle at the memory of the time Pop almost caught me testing your gag reflex with Atlas, one of the farm dogs who’d taken a special liking to me. I’m pretty sure he didn’t see anything but the knowing grin I caught as he walked back out of the machinery shed suggested he knew exactly what we were up to and didn’t care either way.

Christmas Day and we’re up early. And it’s a farm farm. On Xmas day we have to do “parcels” (presents… I don’t know why) early before the sun hits the sleepout (otherwise we’ll all cook). And not even 2minutes after the last child has opened theirs, someone is off in the header or having to go fix a fence. The work never stops but at Christmas everyone pitches in which makes it a bit easier. It’s okay though as that means early access to morning tea that Nan and Great Aunty Margaret have made. They make some of the best jams around and an extra jar always makes it into my bag when I leave home as it’s Buddy’s favourite too.

Once it actually reaches 10am it’s too hot to do anything, so I start the car and let it run for 20mins to cool down (not warm up!) and head into the nearest town go to the servo and buy a stack of bags of ice for the Buddy and his friends so they can at least have something to melt with. Lunch as I said it the full roast, veggies and all the trimmings. Nan came out from England with her family in the 50’s as a $10 Pom and hasn’t shaken the tradition.

After lunch it’s down to the dam for a swim to cool off. The dogs love racing down through the orchard, dodging between the trees and all jump straight in. That water’s not very deep but it is cool and the dam’s big enough for everyone to paddle and the little ones to have a splash.

The rest of the day is the same as yesterday. Beers, stories and reminiscing and Buddy curled up at my feet. Finally worn out from all the running and splashing with his pals.

Boxing Day comes and as usual everyone’s up early. More of Aunt Marg’s scones with that delicious jam and clotted cream from next door’s dairy herd. Buddy gets one of his own as a special treat and then we’re hitting the road back to Big City life.

If I’m feeling like retail therapy we can go to the Boxing Day sales on the way home. The smaller town stores often have stuff you don’t see back home. They’re also used to dogs in the shops and usually have bowls of water set out for the thirsty pooches.

We’ll generally beat the staff arriving, and be waiting with the TipTop bread fella out the front of the IGA for a while. I have to be sure to pick a spot in the shade as otherwise I know I’ll burn my hands on the steering wheel when we get back. I don’t want to even think about how hot the seat belt buckle gets!

A few hours later and it’s back to Suburbia and the Aloe Vera gel I have waiting in the bathroom cabinet for those burns I swore I wasn’t going to get this time!

Hopefully that gives you an insight into what it’s like down here. Don’t be a stranger! Come visit some time and I’ll take you up to the place!

Your Down Under friends,

Danny and Buddy

Outro

Mike: Thanks, friends, for listening to Zooier Than Thou.

Toggle: Our next episode is on January 13th, and we’ll be talking about mental health and suicide prevention.

Mike: It’s bound to be live-saving, so don’t miss it!

Toggle: You can subscribe to the podcast via our zooey RSS feed: just point your favorite podcast client at rss.zoo.wtf. You can also check out our extensive bonus content at bonus.zoo.wtf! If you want to show your support financially, head on over to donate.zoo.wtf. Find us on Bluesky at… you guessed it, @zoo.wtf.

Mike: Our podcast’s website hasn’t changed, and you can find a form there that enables anonymous submissions to the podcast! You can also simply email us at [email protected].

Toggle: Share this podcast with someone who could use a little holiday cheer!

Mike: I’m Mike the Dog. Awooooooooooo!

Toggle: Wait, Mike, don’t howl yet.

Mike: Oh, sorry.

Toggle: And I’m Toggle.

Mike: Awoooooooo!

Toggle: Mike!

Mike: Still too soon?

Toggle: And you’ve almost finished listening to Zooier Than Thou! Stay Defiant, fellow zoos! We’ll see you next time you feel like howling at the moon!

Mike: …

Toggle: OK, you can howl now.

Both: Awooooooo!

Toggle: Murry Yiffmas!

Mike: Holiday.